If you have ever watched the movie Ragamuffin, you know it is based on the life of singer Rich Mullins. Rich was raised on a farm and was expected to take over the farm when he grew up since he was the oldest in the family.
However, Rich never enjoyed farm work and struggled to learn the ropes. His Dad drank a lot and beat him when he made mistakes. He told Rich that he would never amount to anything.
As a result, Rich spent much of his life trying to prove himself, trying to gain the love and affection of his Dad. When he discovered that he would never receive approval from him, he took that desire to a girl. When she left him, he about went crazy. He felt that everything he touched came apart.
After becoming a Christian, he struggled to believe that God loved him. That He didn’t also viewed him as a failure. That perspective drastically affected his ability to experience intimacy in relationships and freedom in Christ.
Permission to Share the Ugly Parts
I have never experienced the abuse Rich did, but I know what it’s like striving for the approval of my Dad. I understand the pain of feeling as if I’ll never please him. And I know how deeply that affects all the rest of my relationships, including my relationship with God.
Watching Ragamuffin got me thinking about my own journey. How I’ve spent so much time trying to prove myself to others.
You see, there used to be a wall between me and my Dad and I felt that I couldn’t do anything about it. Dad has been a pastor and a leader all my life. I felt that if I talked with others about the pain I was feeling from him I would betray him and ruin his reputation.
But then Dad gave me permission. In a conversation a few months ago, Dad said he wants me to feel free to talk with whoever I need to about my relationship with him. He said that he thinks as I share my story with others I will find greater healing.
It was liberating to hear him say that. I haven’t talked to many people about my struggles with him, just a few. But even in doing that I felt guilty. Now I had permission.
For Those Who Feel Trapped
I wonder how many other guys feel trapped. Maybe you have pain from your Dad but don’t feel allowed to talk about it with anyone because he is a pastor or well-known leader. Maybe he’s neither, but you still feel that exposing the pain he caused you would destroy the way people view him. Out of the fear of what might happen, you choose to keep it hidden.
I don’t think our Dads are as scared about their reputation as we assume they are. It’s likely they know that they have caused pain and, while they no doubt want to walk the journey with us, any good-willed father hopes his son finds freedom and healing even if it means talking with someone else.
Coming Up
I’ve developed an ebook telling my journey with my own Dad. In the last five years, I have experienced remarkable breakthroughs in my relationship with him and, while our relationship isn’t perfect, each year I feel closer to him than the year before.
I care about you and your relationship with your Dad. Maybe you are just about to give up on any relationship with him. Maybe you already have. But the fact is, that relationship caries more long-term effects on your life than any other human relationship. Just separating yourself from him only adds problems.
Most men never experience true relationship with God because they can’t get past their earthly father image, even if he’s a well-respected preacher. The more I get around, the more I realize I’m not the only one with wounds from my Dad. I care deeply about men in my generation and helping them find healing and freedom in Christ.
You don’t have to hide your pain. I’m not going to hide mine. In my ebook I will tell you all about the wound that affected my life for nearly twenty years. I will share how I began finding healing and how I discovered the secret to getting to know my Dad better.
If you struggle in your relationship with your Dad this is for you. I think deep down inside every guy wants comradery with their Dad even when pain stands between the two of them. If that’s you, you need to read this.
It’s Not Easy
I must admit, it’s not easy for me to share this. My Dad is still alive and I love him so much. It’s difficult on two levels. First, I really don’t want to reflect negatively on him. Secondly, we’re still relating with each other and it seems that there are continuously more things to work through.
I’m not writing this from having successfully reached a pinnacle in relationships, but as a testimony of what God is doing in my life, and because I have a compelling desire to break the chain Satan has on men across our nation—our world.
The world needs men who are free to love proactively; but many live reactively because of unresolved wounds from their Dad.
What You Can Do
Because of that, I’ve made this ebook available to you at absolutely no cost. If you know someone who could benefit from this series, feel free to share this post with them. My desire is that many other guys experience Christ at a deeper as a result of these posts. To download your copy simply fill out the form below.
God bless you! And may each of us discover the radical heart of love our Father has for us.
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