Engaging unchurched people is often difficult to do. We churched people use different lingo and different jokes. It’s hard to know how to build the bridge from here to there so “they” can become one of “us”: churched.
Or more importantly, a follower of Christ.
Personally, relating to unchurched people isn’t that abnormal for me. Not that it’s any easier, it’s just that I’ve grown up doing it. I homeschooled all twelve grades, but when I was nine years old I started playing Little League baseball. I played four years of Little League and then got invited by our local public school to play for the Junior High team. After two years of Junior High, I moved up to the High School team. There I played two years on the varsity team—starting center fielder.
The guys I played with were no saints. I faced mockery because I didn’t attend Sunday practices. When porn got handed out on the bus, I was the only one who didn’t look at it. I discovered through an embarrassing experience what “mooning” someone meant. I stuck out. Didn’t “fit in.” Hardly made friends because the guys considered me something “different.”
But when I talked, they listened.
I was the fastest guy on the team. I outran them all. I respected the coaches more than most guys. Even though I didn’t practice on Sunday, I played hard every game and brought a solid performance. They couldn’t blame me for losing because very few balls made it by me in center.
They couldn’t discredit my effort.
In other words, even though I wasn’t “one of them,” I had their respect.
But having respect wasn’t enough. I wanted to “fit in.” We all do. Especially if getting people to like us is considered equal to “influencing” someone for Christ.
I remember trying to learn their lingo. One time I swore, just to see what would happen. Not a bad swear word, just one that was more “them.” Besides, I didn’t mean it in the exact same way “they” use it.
But I used it.
I’ll never forget the response.
“Whoooah! Listen to you!”
It felt good. So I began doing it more.
Then I realized I lost something. I soon discovered they no longer respected me the way they did before I used “their” lingo. Yes, I was more comfortable with them, and they invited me to join their parties more often; but soon, when I’d talk, they ignored me. “Their” jokes were worse, then before. Since I began following “their” path, they assumed I’d walk the whole distance. “They” were no more concerned about turning around then they were at the beginning. Only, now, they felt better because the “Jesus” guy is just like them.
So what’s the dif? Why should “they” change?
Using words such as “yolo,” “shit,” and “snap” don’t gain you any “influence” with unchurched people.
Words that only the extreme perverts on my ball team used, I hear Christian young people throwing around because . . . why? To be “Cool?”
Oh, I understand they’re probably not intended in the same way as “they” would use them. But did you tell them that?
“They” are listening. And they’re forming their perception of Jesus by what you do, what you say, how you relate to people and how you respond to life’s circumstances. When you try to become “one of them” you lose the respect that is drawing them toward you. They don’t want more of “themselves.” Deep inside they are longing for something purer. Something whole-er. They’re broken, empty. And, although they don’t admit it, they’re driven by their longing for holiness.
To “fit in” is to forfeit your testimony for Christ. Influence with the unchurched isn’t gained by becoming “one of them.” You gain it by loving them. You don’t have to change your dress or lingo to love anybody. The reason many people in conservative dress don’t influence unchurched people is because they can’t comprehend how to love someone for who they are and how God sees them instead of what they’re wearing. . . Or what they’ve done. . . Who they’ve married. . .
. . . or what songs they sing.
Those of us who want to do something different make the same mistake, however, if we think that by changing something outward (lingo, dress, music) we “become” more loving.
That simply isn’t true.
I have friends, friends that may read this, who I’ve seen come to love Christ more because I decided with them I wasn’t going to try to “fit in.”
I remember sharing my faith with several of my ball friends. When I moved away from town, I wrote letters to a few of them. At the risk of sounding bolder for Christ than I am, I wrote letters because I was too timid to look them in the eye and share with them the hope and life I discovered in Jesus Christ. I remember their appreciation. I don’t know that any of them have accepted Christ, at this point. But I prayed for them regularly for a while . . . still do now and then.
Influencing people for Christ is a long, slow process. Especially if it’s done right. If it goes quickly, it either means someone planted seeds before you came along, or that you manipulated them in some way and their faith could be shallow. But real, sincere influencers for Christ face tough, arduous work in relationships with those that don’t know Him.
Pursue the unchurched. Sure, give them tracts and 180 Movie’s. But also invite them over for supper. Have a cook-out as families. And in the context of vulnerability with them, share your faith. Let them see you loving them so much they can’t help but feel that when you talk about Christ that’s the most loving thing you could do for them.
If the unchurched of our nation had relationships like that with the “churched” people, I’m convinced we’d see a drastic turn-around in the direction of our society. If Christianity became something we actually lived daily and not just something we displayed on stage and front covers, and then hid in the closets when “they” came around; I truly believe that the people of America would be influenced for Christ.
Next time you’re tempted to “fit in,” pursue them. But do it because you remember that it’s Christ you’re trying to influence them for, not yourself. And since “they” mocked Him, “they’ll” mock you.
Question: When relating with unchurched people, have you been tempted to “fit in” with them? Tell me how you handled that by in the comments below.
