Psst! A little spoiler, here. Peter’s instructions in 1Pet. 3 are not about how to handle abusive situations. They are instructions about a compelling vision for staying faithful to Jesus in anti-Jesus contexts. But let’s back up.
I started this project earlier this year when news broke of Josh Duggar ‘s arrest for using child pornography.
It took me almost three and a half months to finish it, in part because of an eight-week trip our family took where I did not write much. But this article has served as a catalyst for me to rethink our common views as conservative Christians about the roles of men and women.
It took me a while to finish it because I keep listening to more stories. I keep taking second and third looks at passages in the Bible that I once thought clearly taught a particular view of gender roles.
I am increasingly concerned that much of our interpretation of Scripture regarding gender roles is informed by patriarchal culture rather than sound exegesis. For those familiar with the term, I am not comfortable with egalitarianism. But there is almost too much baggage associated with complementarianism for me to hold it with any sense of dogma. This project is an attempt to resolve in my own heart and mind some of the crucial issues to which I refer.
More specifically, I am asking the question, “What should submission and respect look like in the context of abuse according to biblical theology?”
Many have wondered if Josh Duggar’s wife Anna will divorce him. Sources close to the Duggar family say it is unlikely Anna Duggar will leave her husband. That would mean abandoning the belief system the Duggars have built their theology of marriage on: Wives must submit to and respect their husbands.
The Duggars are not the only ones who live by this motto. Much of conservative Christianity in America has been built around the purity movement and the teachings of people like Bill Gothard and Emerson Eggerichs. As far as I know, Gothard and the Eggerichs have nothing to do with each other. But the purity movement, Gothard, and Eggerichs all emphasized that women should submit to and respect their husbands, even in abusive situations. This mindset has shaped much of conservative Christianity’s view of marriage today.
But are women really supposed to “submit and respect” at all times?
Should Anna Duggar (or any other woman similarly situated) put up with her husband’s constant sexual sins and hope things will change?
Or is there a place for a wife to separate herself and her children from her husband? Could separation be necessary for protection and could it provoke a husband like Josh to actually get the help he needs?
The Biblical Basis for “Submit and Respect”
The concept that wives are to submit to and respect their husbands comes from two main passage: Ephesians 5:22-24, and 1 Peter 3:1-6. Both passages emphasize that wives are to be “subject to” their own husbands, and 1 Peter goes so far as to say, “…even if some do not obey the word.” It appears that submission is not contingent upon the husband being obedient. Rather, Peter suggests that such husbands can be “won without a word” through respectful and pure behavior.
1 Corinthians 7:13 further establishes the idea that wives are to submit to and respect their husbands. Here Paul says, “If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.” Jesus also taught against divorce, which we will discuss later. At first glance, it looks like there’s not much leeway for women who are in abusive situations to get divorced. But I think we should clarify a few things before we conclude what’s best for wives (or women in general) who are in dangerous relationships.
First, we need to understand the context of Ephesians 5, 1 Peter 3, and 1 Corinthians 7. Second, we need to define “submit” and “respect.” Third, we need to observe whether Paul (or any other biblical author) addresses what to do when a spouse is abusive or living in sin.
Paul’s vision for people in 1 Corinthians 7 is that each person “remain as he is” (verses 17 and 24). He says this not to bind us to an impossible task, but to promote good order and secure our undivided devotion to the Lord (verse 35). We should keep that in mind when we see what these New Testament writers have to say. The goal is not to figure out how to get our way – be it husband or wife, oppressor or oppressed. The goal is to have “undivided devotion to the Lord.” How are we to live when we are fully committed to Jesus as our King? This is the question.
With this question in mind, we dove in to better understand the context of these passages. In the first article, we gained context for Ephesians 5. In this article, we’re going to gain context for 1 Peter 3.
The Context of 1 Peter 3:1-6
If we tend to forget the context of Ephesians, even more do we forget the context of 1 Peter.
Peter’s audience faced extreme persecution because of their faith in Jesus as Messiah. They were confused and discouraged. He wrote to encourage them to stand strong and to remember Christ’s example, the riches of their inheritance in Him, and the hope of His returning again to take them to heaven. Peter’s primary message seems to be to trust in the Lord, live obediently no matter what the circumstances, and keep their hope fixed on God’s ultimate promise of deliverance.
So what does this have to do with wives being subject to their husbands?
Again, it’s important to look at the verses before 1 Peter 3:1-6. In chapter 2, Peter writes,
Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.
(2:11-12)
We should be careful not to isolate any of the passages that follow and misrepresent their importance in Peter’s view. He’s going to flesh-out what it looks like for God’s people to have honorable conduct among the Gentiles, or those who at this point of have rejected His word (2:8).
For instance, immediately following his instruction to have honorable conduct, Peter tells everyone to,
Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
(2:13-17)
Before we zero in on wives being subject to husbands, we must wrestle through what it looks like for us—any of us—to be subject to “every human institution.”
Are we?
Do we have any right to demand our wives be submissive if we, as husbands, don’t honor our governing authorities?
Have we demonstrated our freedom by using it to live in a way that glorifies God or by using it as a cover-up for doing whatever we want?
If we can’t obey this passage, we have no business moving on to chapter 3. (This will become important in the article discussing biblical counsel for dealing with abuse.)
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