In PBS’s Victoria series, Queen Victoria proposes to Lord Melbourne. Lord M has been her Prime Minister and close friend. At first, she saw him as a father figure, helping her adjust to the responsibilities of political leadership.
But while everyone else was matching Victoria up with the most socially convenient princes in the land, Victoria herself was falling in-love with Lord M.
The problem is, Lord M is married. His wife left him years before, but he is still legally bound. He could have divorced his wife and married this young, charming queen. But he didn’t.
In the scene, Queen Victoria finds Lord M in his gardens at Brocket Hall watching the rooks. They’re alone, no one else anywhere close.
She was giving herself to him, totally caught up in who he was. That had to have felt good. For the queen to propose to any man was an invitation too glorious to resist.
And no one was around. Even if he never married her, he could have enjoyed a few moments of romantic pleasure.
But he doesn’t. Here is how the scene goes down:
Queen Victoria: “I’m sorry to disturb you, Lord M. But I had to talk to you.”
Lord M: “Brocket Hall is honored, mam.”
Queen Victoria: “I’ve come here incognito…”
Lord M: “Of course. Though your presence here cannot be entirely disguised.”
Queen Victoria: “Yesterday, I realized something.”
Lord M: “Yes, mam?”
Queen Victoria: “I think perhaps now I’m speaking as a woman, and not as a queen. . .At the beginning, I thought that you were the father I never had. But now, I feel—I know—that you are the only companion I could ever desire.”
They pause. Lord M takes her hand, gently rubbing it as he ponders what she said. And looking to the hand she has just offered for life, he tells her something.
Lord M: “Did you know that the rooks mate for life? Every year they build their nests together, and renew all those little. . .civilities. . .that make marriage sparkle. I think we could learn much from them. . .If I had just spent more time watching the rooks, my wife would have felt more attended to.”
Queen Victoria: “She should never have left you. I would never do such a thing.”
Lord M: “No. I believe when you give your heart it will be without hesitation. But you cannot give it to me.”
Queen Victoria: “I think you have it already.”
Lord M: “No, you must keep it intact for someone else. I have no use for it, you see. . .”
At this point he lets go of her hand, looking her in the face. The music crescendos in the background.
Lord M: “Like a rook, I mate for life.”
Queen Victoria: “I see. . .Then I am sorry to have disturbed you, Lord Melbourne.”
Realizing a Thirst Deep Inside My Heart
Lord Melbourne stayed true to his commitment to his wife and did not chase the opportunity for the kind of sexual intimacy in marriage he may have never experienced. As I watched him, I realized the desires deep in his heart had to have been solidly fixed on something other than sexual gratification. His sense of purpose and self-worth had to have come from something other than the acceptance of a woman.
For years, I was afraid of beautiful women, of ever being alone with someone I felt attracted to. I feared I would not be able to control my desire for her.
And what if I was married and a woman tried proposing to me or seducing me? Could I stand strong, or would I give in? I didn’t know. I couldn’t really know, could I?
But something deep inside made me feel afraid. Something about a woman pursuing me, wanting to give herself fully to me, awakened a thirst I did not realize I had. A thirst so strong, I was unconvinced I would not try satisfying it if given the opportunity.
Quenching Thirst with the Love of Men
In the book of John, chapter four, Jesus was on His way from Judea to Galilee when He passed through Samaria and stopped at a town called Sychar. This town was located near a field Jacob had given his son Joseph. Just outside Sychar was Jacob’s well, so Jesus decided to rest by the well while His disciples went into town to fetch some food.
As Jesus was resting by the well, a Samaritan woman came to draw water for her master. Jesus asked her if she could give Him a drink, and she was surprised because typically Jews didn’t associate (apparently, even talk) with Samaritans.
If that wasn’t weird enough, Jesus told her if she knew who it was that asked for water, she would ask Him for some and He would give her living water. Again, she was taken aback. The well was deep, and Jesus had nothing to draw water with. What could He possibly mean saying He would give her “living water”?
But Jesus was not talking about physical water, was He? He responded by saying,
Everyone who drinks from this water will get thirsty again. But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again — ever! In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up within him for eternal life. (Jn. 4:13-14)
By now, the woman was feeling a little sarcastic. She said, “Sir, give me this water so I won’t get thirsty and come here to draw water” (Jn. 4:15).
If Jesus could give her water so she never thirsts again, then she could be free from the chore of fetching water! What a deal, eh? Maybe she was beginning to think this man was a few fries short of a happy meal; but then Jesus went directly to the heart. He began peeling back the layers of protection that covered her pain, her real inner thirst.
“Go call your husband,” He told her, “and come back here.” To which she replied that she had no husband. “You have correctly said, ‘I don’t have a husband,’” Jesus said. “For you’ve had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.”
At this, she recognized He was a prophet, and Jesus went on to reveal to her that He is the Messiah, the anointed Son of God (Jn. 4:16-26).
This exchange has always puzzled me because the progression of Jesus’ thought seems random, at first glance. But you know why I think Jesus addressed her thirst and then told her to call her husband?
He knew she had many husbands. He knew she frivolously gave herself to the love of men, and I believe Jesus was insinuating she did so because of a deep thirst she was trying to quench. A thirst she thought the love of men could satisfy. Only, it never did.
It never does.
A Problem Much Deeper Than Porn
We tend to think the problem is looking at pornography, that if we stop doing sinful deeds we will get better. Worse yet, some of us do pretty well at not doing sinful deeds, and we see ourselves as pretty good.
Notice Jesus never told the women she should stop giving herself to all those men. He did not seem interested in simply changing her behavior. Rather, he seemed deeply concerned about her thirst.
The problem with man is the same the world around, regardless of how it manifests itself in our lives. It is not merely looking at pornography that is wrong. The problem is not that we do sinful deeds.
Rather, the problem is what drives us to do them in the first place. Why do we go looking for porn to begin with? What causes this woman’s insatiable desire for the affection of men?
The real problem lies hidden behind the answers to those questions. Perhaps, in answering them, we will discover all of us, whether we have looked at pornography or not, are busy drinking from a well we think will satisfy our inner thirst. Only, we are still thirsty.
False Satisfiers
Deep in our hearts, all of us thirst. We thirst for something we are not finding in this world. And this thirst overpowers whatever personal or religious commitments we may have.
No matter how devoted we are to living a certain way—not looking at porn, not masturbating, not gorging ourselves, not speaking negatively of others, not overspending, not sleeping in, not stealing, not lying, not cussing, not cheating, not drinking, not abusing—at the end of the day, we gravitate to whatever appears to possibly quench our thirst.
We sneak in a few peeks at the woman letting a little extra exposed, we find ourselves day-dreaming about the “what ifs” of life, we lose ourselves in our work, or we spend more time in Bible study and prayer hoping to silence whatever it is inside begging to be filled.
The problem with false satisfiers, such as these, is they present themselves as giving us what we need immediately. They are so compelling we almost always take the bait. Yet, they actually do not give us any of what we need at all.
Even worse, they drain us of life, only further magnifying our thirst.
What If Our Thirst Could Be Satisfied?
Could it be that if we found a “well of living water” we would lose all desire to look at porn?
If my heart was filled with the water Jesus talked about, would I be able to stand strong, as Lord Melbourne did? Would I be able to say “no” and stay true to my commitment if ever a woman proposed to me who was not mine to have? How do we find this water? How do we know what actually satisfies our thirst?
By going back to the beginning of time, of course.
Do you identify with a sense of thirst deep in your soul, longing for something you try satisfying with things only to realize they don’t work? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
