In my recent book, Live Free, I share my journey toward making sense of sexuality and learning what it means to live sexually free as man. You can download four free chapters at the end of this article.
In the book of Isaiah, God speaks through his prophet to the people of Jerusalem, calling them to repentance and back to the relationship he once had with them. In chapter 51, God urges the men to wake up and stand because there is no one to guide the people (Is. 51:17-18).
Devastation and destruction, famine and sword have come to the city of Jerusalem, and among all the sons she raised none of them can take her hand and comfort her.
Why?
Because as the prophet put it, they lay bound at the head of the streets like wild bulls caught in nets (Is. 51:20).
The men of the city were helpless because they had become entangled with the sins of the nations around them. They could not guide Jerusalem.
This image of something as powerful as a wild bull held captive by something as insignificant as string eerily correlates with humanities struggle for sexual freedom.
We as sexual beings have a strength. God made us male or female for a purpose. He gave us everything that goes into our being. Sexuality, emotions, spirit, mind, body—all of it is designed and crafted by God, and it is good (Gen. 1).
It is no accident we have such a high sex drives. God designed us that way. He created us to go out and create goodness and beauty in the world—he needs us to have powerful initiative.
God also designed us to be sensitive, gentle, welcoming creatures who invite others into safety and belonging (Genesis 1:26-30 paints the picture of both powerful creators and gentle cultivators.)
People are looking to us for guidance and protection, but for many of us the very strength we can offer has become hostage to the itty-bitty, stringy net of sexual immorality. Because of sexual compromise, we find ourselves unable to love deeply and fight for others.
We have a boatload of guilt, shame, and dysfunction dragging behind us as we grapple with the net that holds us down.
Nobody wants this.
Everyone longs to break free from the entangled mess of sexual sin.
Each of us deeply regret that one moment, that one choice we made to indulge in fleeting passion.
But if you’re like me, in the moment of failure it feels as if there is nothing you can do. You are trapped. In bondage. No matter how hard you try to live in victory and overcome this evil, you quickly fall right back into it. No doubt, you are frustrated! You probably feel guilty and ashamed.
And, if you are a Christian, you may wonder if you even have the Holy Spirit in your life. After all, the Bible talks about walking in freedom and living by the Spirit and not the flesh; yet no matter what you do, you can’t.
I was there.
I tried everything I knew. I was honest. I hid nothing from accountability partners. I did everything counselors say to do—like pray through the times I chose to open myself up to pornography, renouncing the agreement I made with Satan. I had other men pray over me. I confessed my sins on my face before God, as I imagine David did when confronted about his fling with Bathsheba. Even so, little moments of weakness came along and totally tripped me up, landing me flat on my belly in failure again.
Sexual freedom matters because the world is broken, and God has called us to be a part of his restorative work throughout all of creation. When you and I live in sexual bondage, we have no power to work towards restoration. Our sexuality is intertwined with our spirituality as well as our emotional makeup. Sexual bondage points to something awry in other parts of our being. Sexual bondage also causes other parts of our being to go awry.
It becomes one phenomenal crazy cycle!
I know what it’s like to feel as though hope is lost, as if I will never get out of this net of bondage. I know what it’s like to feel I have nothing of value to offer people.
But I also know what it is like to live free.
I know it is possible to be cut out of the net, as it were, and be the man God meant me to be. Now I know the feeling of looking people in the eyes without anything to hide and genuinely loving them for who they are and not for what they can give me.
I know the feeling of having passion coursing through my veins, living an adrenaline rush and not feeling guilty about the experience.
No longer do I need to control my sexuality. God has done something in my heart that allows me to live freely in my passions in a way that protects and values those around me.
This kind of freedom is powerful. I don’t mean to insinuate I no longer face temptations or even fail. It’s just that I have discovered a new way of living. I have found a new way of thinking that allows me to bounce out of the gooey trap of compromise faster than I did before. I pray for even fuller cleansing but am deeply grateful that I do not live in the guilt and shame of moral failure anymore.
I can walk away from temptation. I am free from the net.
And you can be too.
In my next article, I’m going to share with you three simple steps you can take toward finding freedom right now. Before we get to those, however, you’re going to have to decide how serious you are about finding freedom.
Are you willing to go into some very raw and possibly ugly parts of your life?
Living with guilt is a choice. We choose to live in the shame and guilt of sexual bondage when we avoid the potential shame of being exposed.
But I bet you’d be surprised how many of the same people you’re afraid of being shamed by actually struggle with the very same things you do.
Click here to download four free chapters of Live Free: Making Sense of Male Sexuality.
You deserve to live in sexual freedom; not bondage. You deserve to experience life and joy, not guilt and shame.
If you are truly ready to go into the deep places of your soul–places greatly affected by past and present experiences–then you’ll be ready for my next article, How to Find Sexual Freedom.
Have you found a safe place to talk about sexual struggles? What made you feel safe enough to share such vulnerable things? You can help others learn what to look for and how to create safety by sharing in the comments below.
Hey, thanks for reading! We create articles to help young adults reconcile their human experiences with God and His Word. As a part of this, I am pursuing a bachelor’s of biblical studies degree.
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