Lust isn’t just a man’s problem. It’s a human problem. Furthermore, lust isn’t the fact that you desire sexual intimacy. That desire is good and God-given.
If you’ve been following the posts on lust and desire, than you know that single men and women aren’t necessarily lusting when they desire something that can only be satisfied in marriage. On the other hand, married men and women could be lusting when they want what can be satisfied, but their wanting it is self-focused and not motivated by love.
In other words, burning with passion may not be wrong and fulfilling sexual intimacy could be. That means many of us may not fully understand 1 Corinthians 7.
Is the purpose of marriage to keep people from lusting?
Will marriage actually cure a person of lust?
We as men appreciate verses like “each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband,” or “do not deprive one another,” and “if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
However, if we read this passage as the purpose for marriage, I think we’ve read it incompletely. Sure, Paul is using truths to make his point. Such as that because of the temptation to sexual immorality, it is better for each man to have his own wife, and that because of the temptation to sexual immorality it is better for people to marry where they can express their passion than to remain single and burn with it. But the focus of this chapter is not marriage, unlike the heading in my ESV Study Bible indicates.
If marriage is the focus, and if Paul truly is sharing “principles of marriage,” then the second half of the chapter doesn’t make any sense.
We often split this chapter in two sections: the first half and the second half. According to our mindset, the first half makes sense. But the second half is totally confusing because he goes to talk about how “men who have wives should live as if they have none.” If the first half of the chapter were principles of marriage, he seems to completely contradict himself in the second half. So we don’t hear much teaching on it.
But I suggest this passage is not about marriage.
And marriage is not a solution to lust because our problem with lust isn’t a matter of not having a place to express our sexual desires.
Does that mean that marriage doesn’t help with lust? Not all. It certainly does help because it puts everything in the proper context. Men can have sexual fulfillment with their wives as God designed and women can have emotional intimacy with their husbands as God designed. But it doesn’t take care of the problem of lust.
The solution to lust is undivided devotion to the Lord. That’s what this chapter is about. And if we read it that way, everything else falls into proper perspective.
“This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” (1 Cor. 7:29-35 emphasis added)
Given the context of this passage, I don’t think Paul is saying we as husbands should neglect our wives. That certainly isn’t consistent with Ephesians 5 where he says husbands should love their wives and care for them as Christ does the church. I think that’s why we often get confused by this part.
What I believe Paul is sharing throughout this whole chapter are ways to secure our undivided devotion to the Lord.
This passage lines up with Jesus when He says “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26)
The idea isn’t rejection, but simply a lesser love.
When our love for marital intimacy and sexual fulfillment is greater than our love for Jesus, we have misplaced loves. It’s a form of idolatry. The same thing as lust.
When our desire for lesser loves is so strong that we “burn with passion,” we shouldn’t try to eliminate the desire until we can properly express it (the lesser love isn’t wrong). Instead, we should allow that passion to motivate us to cultivate greater desire for Jesus and the things of God.
Our needs for sexual and emotional intimacy (really, men and women desire them both) aren’t perfectly satisfied in marriage. God created us to desire something more. Something heavenly. Something we are still waiting for, married or unmarried. And all our energies ought to be channeled for that single purpose.
If being married helps us do that with more complete devotion because we’re not distracted by all the single ladies in the crowd, than “let them marry.”
If remaining single allows us more exclusive devotion, then “remain as they are.”
Marriage isn’t so much about finding a place to satisfy passions as it is about helping us channel those passions to greater loves.
“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2 Cor. 3:18)
The solution to lust is beholding the glory of the Lord. Whether you struggle with pornography, romance novels or fantasizing about a particular person, make the focal point of your focus Jesus and use your testosterone or estrogen energies for accomplishing the purposes of God. Your problem with lust will dissipate. Desire for God will explode. And Satan will spin in a daze because you are no longer bound to his deceptive lie about passion and feelings.
We need passion in this world.
We need men and women who live from a deep, God-centered passion with unwavering commitment to the glory of God.
But let’s make this practical.
Bruce Lengeman says in his book, To Kill A Lion, that “if you want to abide in sexual healthy, it is necessary to understand that sexual desire is for more than just pleasure and procreation. Sexual desire is a catalyst to inspire creativity, leadership, passion for God, passion for people, intimacy with children and spiritual warfare.”
The hormones that arouse you sexually also arouse your creativity, gives boldness in leadership, and passion for God and people.
God physically designed us to be about making His name famous through fields of art, business, education, ministry, and much more.
What injustice makes you angry? Do something about it! Don’t just sit back apathetically.
What dream does your mind constantly go to? Pursue it! God is placing that on your heart so that He can be glorified through it.
Men, we are made for something more, but far too often we settle for the lesser love: sexual fulfillment. We are made to be image bearers of God’s glory. If marriage is included in the path that God has for us, than sexual fulfillment will be a part of that. But our focus should not be on sexual fulfillment.
Displaying God’s glory is the purpose for marriage, not sexual fulfilment. Displaying God’s glory is the purpose for having children, not sexual fulfillment.
When we are consumed with displaying the glory of God, we have no room for lust. And I am convinced that what Paul was intending to communicate in 1 Corinthians 7 was how to have undivided devotion to God’s glory.
I’d love to hear from you! Share your thoughts in the comments by clicking here.
Are you someone who wants to be able to look people in the eyes without having anything to hide and to be able to fight for others? Yet, maybe you’re looking at porn or habitually masturbating. You feel guilt and as if you’re less of a man, but aren’t sure how to gain victory.If that’s you, I invite you to check out my brand new book, Live Free: Making Sense of Male Sexuality.
