Is it ever wrong to call it quits on your church?
My generation is hungry for authenticity and spiritual life. It often feels like we don’t get that in our churches. I know, church isn’t about what we get out of it but about giving to others.
But what if we’re getting absolutely nothing out of our church? Is it ever wrong to leave?
Some believe there’s no consequence in leaving. Find a church you’re happy with and plug into it. As a pastor’s son, I know how frustrating it can be when it seems as though people are constantly looking for something that makes them happy.
At the same time, my Dad cared about true spiritual life being given in the body of Christ—not all church leaders share that focus. What do you do when it feels like there is more political and material energy in your church than spiritual life?
My Dad left. He left a church. As a pastor. Once, he left a church system, and another time he walked away from an independent church. He always felt it was better for him as a leader to leave then to cause other people to leave.
When standards are talked about more than the Gospel, is it wrong to walk away?
When people value their sense of freedom above holiness, is there anything wrong with letting them go?
When a church is more concerned about handling finances than caring for the emotionally needy, is it okay to say “I don’t want to be a part of that”?
When you’re tired of your church, is it ever wrong to leave?
Some say it is. Some preach that we should stick it out and pour ourselves into church.
“Date your church.”
“Serve your church.”
“Pursue your leaders.”
What if none of that increases the spiritual life? Is it possible to have “Bible believing,” “Christ-following” churches that are spiritually dead?
And if a church is spiritually dead, is it wrong to call it quits and move on?
I am grateful to have been spared the struggle of being a part of a spiritually dead church. Sure, the churches I’ve been a part of have their struggles. But the leadership and congregation, as human and imperfect as they are, deeply desire God and are continually growing.
However, that’s not everyone’s story. In fact, the more I listen, the more I hear many struggle with their church.
This is a question we must hash out. I have several good friends who have wrestled through this very issue in the last couple of years. What if all our typical answers are incomplete?
Is there value in staying? Is there value in leaving? How long do you stay and try to make it work? When do you leave and what are legitimate reasons for leaving?
I have watched as close friends wrestle intensely with this question.
Three, in particular, are incredible examples to me. Each of these friends are under thirty years old. One was already a part of the church leadership. Their stories inspire me because whether they left or chose to stay, people have respect for them and feel valued by them.
That’s huge.
Not very often do we hear stories of people leaving church that aren’t full of accusations and belittlement. That’s not the case for my three friends. As I look at their stories, I see three common elements to their journey. And I feel any of us struggling with our church should consider these elements before leaving.
I’ve also talked with pastors about this subject. I asked them from a pastor’s perspective, do you feel it’s wrong for people to leave a church when things aren’t going well? In their responses, I noticed the same three elements I had seen in my friends’ stories.
In light of this, I compiled an eBook where I expound on these three factors for discerning whether or not you should leave your church.
You may be wondering what the big deal is. In America, churches are a dime a dozen. If you can’t fit into one, you can find another one. After all, we’re all one church, right? So why does it matter if I leave?
Here’s why your local church matters: relationships reveal the authenticity of your spirituality.
There is value in having relationships with people. No matter what scripture does or doesn’t say about the church, it constantly points to the close relationships as indicators of God’s Spirit within us.
Think of it, the fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. If I just up and leave when things get hard, I’m not practicing patience, kindness, or love. Furthermore, just walking away from a difficult situation is not necessarily “making peace.”
That’s why attending a local church matters and why knowing when to leave (or not to leave) is important.
Do you find yourself in a situation where you feel like leaving your church? I invite you to read Before You Leave Your Church. Simply subscribe to a monthly membership Unfeigned Christianity ($10/mo) and you will gain access to the eBook, along with other member-only content.
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Before You Leave Your Church comes as a set of three ebooks on dealing with church issues. You get all three when you become an Advanced Unfeigned Christianity Member. Click here to access all three.
If you love Jesus, I am confident you also love His people–even if they don’t feel real lovable all time. You’re not the only one who faces this struggle. I’ve been there. Friends of mine have been there. And many of my readers have been there. Here’s what a few of them have to say about this eBook:
Thank you Asher for sharing truth and the challenging questions! I’m transitioning out of my current church and searching for something greater. This was shared with me by a friend and was incredibly helpful and encouraging. – Chelsea
I have enjoyed reading this eBook. I especially like your conclusion. While my wife and I have left a more conservative church, we have never encouraged others to leave. When you are in a setting where the church functions as your external conscience, it takes a lot of discipline to leave and not simply go to the “world”. The important thing is to see truth. The Bible says, seek and ye shall find….that is a promise. -Dean
I really appreciate the emphasis on relationships. I think often when we become dissatisfied with church, it’s because we’re asking,”What am I getting out of this?” rather than “What can I give to my church?” -Karla
You don’t have to settle for status quo. You don’t have to stay in a painful situation. But neither do you want to cause pain in leaving (or staying). This eBook helps you sort through the difficult questions of knowing when to or not to leave.
