One of the common questions people ask me about sexuality is, “At what age should I talk with my children about sex?”
Maybe you have this question yourself, or maybe there’s a larger question many of us have that deals with when and how to talk about sexuality with people in general. In this members-only article, I’ll respond to this question with a few suggestions and then look at some possible objections to what I suggest.
Kevin is a good friend of mine and one I’ve talked with quite a bit about sexuality the struggles we face. By the time his dad talked with them about sex and how things work, he had already gotten into port. He already knew how stuff worked. He played long as if he didn’t know anything, because he didn’t know what else to do. But the whole conversation felt awkward and he didn’t really want to talk with his dad about it again.
I, myself, got into porn before my dad ever talk to me about sex. I was thirteen years old when I Googled pornography because I wanted to see what naked women look like. I had heard that’s what the term meant.
My dad found the history of the Google search, sat me down, opened up the internet browser, and asked if I was the one that had looked these pages up. I confessed that I was because I thought my guilt was visibly evident.
This started a long journey for me and my dad in seeking to overcome pornography. During this journey, dad talked with me about sex. But even so, I found myself struggling with things that we never really addressed in those conversations. And in my journey, there was a lot of intense secret struggle I didn’t know what to do about because nobody ever talked to me about them.
I could share story after story of guys getting into sex before ever been told about sexuality and how their body works.
My guess is that if you are under the age of thirty-five, you know for yourself this is true.
So when should parents be talking with your children about sexuality?
Based on history – based on the experience that I’ve had and the stories I’m hearing from others – my wife and I have decided that sexuality needs to become a regular part of conversation right out of the gate. I’ve already talked with my five and four-year-olds about things I never heard about until I was thirteen or fourteen.
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