I’ve been writing publicly for the last five years. In the last three years, my readership has doubled in size every year. While I wanted to influence people through my writing, I didn’t anticipate just how fast that influence would come. In the middle of sorting through the tangled web of feelings a public audience brings, I nearly got tripped up by two specific temptations. Two temptations I’m not sure any young influencer sees when he first sets out to make an impact.
At a young age, I had a vision for writing a book. In High School I discovered I enjoyed writing, and as I leaked my writing to the public via Xanga, I found out people connected with what I wrote. I cared about people; I love writing. Why not write a book?
One day I was talking with an older man I highly respected about my interest in writing a book. Contrary to what I expected, he gave me the preverbal “go ahead” by telling me not to let the fact that in twenty years I will say things differently keep me from saying them now.” He could have told me to wait a few years, to go to Bible school and get some research and experience under my belt before I delved into a book project. And maybe that’s what he should have said. But he didn’t. He took a risk with me by empowering me, essentially saying “you have something worth telling the world.”
That began my journey toward coming public with my writing and talking more openly about my interest in writing a book. I never wrote that book. But I’ve written a lot of blog posts, a few that garnered more attention than I was ready for.
I don’t believe we should wait until we have arrived before we start saying what is on our hearts. One of Satan’s most deadly tactics for silencing people in the church is to create a culture that expects perfection from teachers.
If he can make sure potential teachers feel they need to have it all together before taking the platform. Then those who would dare to say something strictly born of faith and innocent observation will be too afraid to. And those who think they’ve finally done enough research and gained enough experience to speak will think they really do have it all together. Creating a culture of pride. That’s his plan. It’s subtle; but oh, so devastating.
However, I also believe that everyone, young and old, face intense temptations the more influence they gain. It’s true of the toddler who gains a sibling, to the author whose work becomes a bestseller, to the politician who gets voted in as President. And there are two temptations, specifically, influencers aren’t ready for when they’re young. I certainly wasn’t. They are deadly, and perhaps by talking about them we can help each other keep from being disqualified by them.
The first temptation is this: to forget my own frailty
I know I am imperfect. I know I make mistakes. And being willing to admit I am wrong is hard enough, but absolutely essential to influencing others.
What I didn’t see coming, however, was that I would subtly begin thinking of myself as Superman. Because of my energy at this age, I had a hard time not getting involved with things. Teach full-time, maintain a regular blog, raise a family, keep up with other close relationships? Of course!
And I had vision for not just teaching, but interacting with my students outside of school. I had vision for not just maintaining a blog, but writing books as well. And because I poured myself into these activities without realizing (or even considering) the potential consequences, I began over-extending my private influence with my public influence. I was unaware of my own fallibility.
Not only am I imperfect and not God—I don’t have all the answers for everyone—but I am frail. My energy is running out. This body is wasting away. And when I am pouring myself into areas of public influence, I cannot pour myself as deeply into areas of private influence. And when public influence over-extends private influence, I begin publicly influencing people in the wrong direction.
Disciplines of any kind are not for the purpose of being a better person or a more “spiritual Christian.” They are for the purpose of reminding myself that God is in control, I am but human, and He is the source of my life. I cannot do anything of real value without being empowered by His Spirit. And I cannot be empowered by His Spirit when I am running around acting as if I have endless energy.
So, what I am learning to do is rest more.
I don’t like resting. My mind constantly strategizes new ventures to take, ways to improve what I’m already doing. Furthermore, with the influx of Social Media and smartphones, I can keep myself busy interacting even in seemingly good ways with other people. Or, I can just numb myself with scrolling through the myriad pictures of other people’s lives which seem more meaningful than mine.
But when I truly rest, when I have even but a few solid hours each week where I totally break away from technology, projects, and to-do lists and, instead, sleep, read, pray, mingle (or play hard) with family, I find myself re-energized with fuller vision and deepened purpose for life.
There is a deadly saying, “strike while the iron’s hot.” That’s an earthly way of thinking about things.
And even though much of what we do are mere earthly activities, if we choose to rest in the fact that God is in control, giving space for “falling behind,” we discover we really don’t have to strike while it’s hot. Either what we were about to strike wasn’t worth striking, or it stayed hot longer than we thought it would.
When I sense the feeling of urgency, that I need to do it now or I’ll miss out (or just excitement for yet another project), I’m learning to pause. Rest. Wait on God to confirm and clarify the timing and importance of what I’m about to do.
The second temptation is this: to find my identity in what I do
Without purpose, without a clear unique reason why we are placed on this earth, there is little meaning in life. And without meaning in life, we numb ourselves with frivolous pleasures.
But what I discovered was that it is easy to mistake identity for purpose. In other words, teaching and writing became a huge part of my purpose on earth. It became a way I could add value to those around me. Without realizing it, however, I let it define me.
So, if I was not the teacher (or if I wasn’t being praised in my teaching) and if I was not the writer (or if I was not being praised in my writing), I felt increasingly insecure. I would get depressed our jealous whenever I felt overlooked.
On the flip side, as long as I was the main teacher and writer and people were praising me in what I was doing, I felt compulsively driven to do more of it. Why? I believe it is because I had let what I do define me.
As a result, I failed to bring those closest to me along on the journey. Namely, my family. What I did wasn’t born so much out of what was happening in my life, but out of what I felt needed to keep happening for me to be someone worthwhile. This hurt my family not just because I wasn’t giving them my best, but because they experienced the repercussions of increased influence without having a choice in it all. Neither were they able to be a part of how the influence came about.
So, what I am learning to do is deal with wounds.
Now, that may have caught you off guard. But what I am discovering is the reason I mistake identity for purpose is that somewhere I received and accepted the message that I am not anything of value. So I have to prove myself to be someone of value. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t some major crisis. I haven’t been abused or violated in any major way.
These are subtle messages that come under the radar, but tear away at our sense of identity. So, we use the activities we find purpose in to define who we are in order to numb the pain of these messages.
The problem is, we’re not designed to be defined by what we do. We are designed to be defined by whose we are. By the One who created us.
Pain caused, often at extremely young ages, is what drives us to be defined by our work. And I am finding that as I go back and experience forgiveness and healing in those areas of pain, I am less driven by what I do. I am freer to enjoy life, enjoy my family—even enjoy my work. I begin seeing myself as one member in a huge agency of people adding value to the world, rather than seeing myself as the agency.
When I feel compelled to do more, or depressed because of not feeling noticed, I am learning to pause and evaluate what I am really longing for. I’m learning to let God speak His identity into me and, as a result, I am discovering a growing sense of peace and camaraderie with those closest to me.
If you are an older brother or sister, a husband or wife, a teacher, parent, project manager, writer, speaker, deacon, pastor, coach, person with friends, or anyone that relates with other people, you have influence. As your influence grows, you will face temptations that could destroy you. I have found that when we are young, the two temptations we least expect to face are forgetting our own frailty and finding our identity in what we do.
Take a moment, today, to look inside yourself and see if you face these temptations. And if so, how are you responding to them? For me, learning to rest and deal with wounds has helped the most.
I feel there is much more to learn in this journey of influence. As you reflect on your life experiences, or what you’ve seen in others, what more would you have to add to this discussion? Share in the comments below.
