Our conversation touches on aspects of his second book, No Longer Strangers: Finding Belonging in a World of Alienation.
Finding Belonging in Singleness (Greg Coles Interview Pt. 2)
Tag: relationships
Is It True That Men “Desperately Need” Respect?
Men need respect as much as anyone needs respect. But we should define respect as treating someone with the dignity of being made in the image of God, not as always making them feel good and never contradicting them or trying to get them to change.
An Evaluation of the Church and Its Singles w/ Emily Smucker, Abram Martin, Kimberly Kirtz, and Chris Witmer
Marriage and family is not the ultimate goal in life; oneness with Jesus is. We need each other–including singles–in growing together in oneness with Him.
Do Valentine’s Celebrations Help or Hinder the Church?
As a married person, dating person, or single person, Valentine’s Day can help each of us remember the love we all long for. We all want a place where we can belong. We want a place where we are cherished and valued, respected and admired.
One Ridiculously Simple Way to Start a Relationship
One week before asking Teresa Janae Miller out, I drafted an email to her Dad. Before hitting send, however, I chickened out and waited a few more days.
I was scared! I was afraid of being turned down. Afraid I was doing the wrong thing—that it wasn’t God’s will. Afraid of entering another relationship that would only end in pain. When I finally mustered enough confidence to send it off, I was stunned how easy it was.
I’m not sure we should take dating so seriously. Yes, take finding a future partner seriously, but not so seriously that you’re scared stiff to pursue (or be pursued). Give it a chance. It doesn’t have to work. But finding out if it could, really isn’t that difficult.
The Stuff of Intimacy
In my last post, I said we can live without sex, but not without intimacy. Having a great sex partner is not the key to sexual gratification. Finding the most beautiful spouse in the world won’t keep one from lusting after others. The desire for erotic pleasure comes as the result of a lack of meaning and purpose and nothing in life is truly meaningful without its relational value.
What I didn’t say in that post is what intimacy looks like. I didn’t really explain how to have meaningful relationships.
As I said before, I don’t necessarily feel like an expert at relationships yet, but I am slowly learning. The story of Adam and Eve in the Garden with God provides excellent training material.
You Can Live Without Sex, But Not Without Intimacy
Can I tell you a secret? Having a great sex partner is not the key to sexual gratification. Finding the most beautiful wife in the world won’t keep you from lusting after other women. The desire for erotic pleasure comes as the result of a lack of meaning and purpose and nothing in life is truly meaningful without its relational value.
Sixty-four percent of Christian men view pornography at least monthly. Thirty-seven percent look at porn several times a week. I know what it’s like to be addicted to pornography. I thought the struggle came from my strong sexual drive.
But as I came to experience freedom from lust and the addiction to erotic pleasure, I learned part of what held me captive for so long had little to do with sex and more to do with intimacy.
What You Need to Know about Romance before Getting Married
Romance, the way we perceive it at first, like the ecstatic feeling of affection on the first date, or the hot sparks and fireworks that electrify your phalanges at the first kiss—that kind of romance doesn’t work.
Here’s why: Romance then is based on feelings of affection. It’s like being excited for the first time your traveled overseas: the only reason it’s exciting is because it is something new (and because you haven’t experienced many new things, yet).
Those feelings won’t last. They never do.
We Have a Courtship Dilemma
As I listen to other people in my generation I hear an increasing frustration with our courtship model. This seems to be true regardless of background. Is courtship as we know it today the way it should be?
Here’s how I’m approaching this post: I’m going to offer my perspective and then I want to hear yours. I love discussions, so let’s have one. I want to hear from other married people, but I also want to hear from singles. I want to hear your frustrations and desires.
Something has to change, and in order to influence change we must first have a conversation about it. So let’s talk. Let’s not argue or try to get everyone to understand ourselves, but instead let’s try to understand everyone else.
How to Know She’ll Say “Yes!”
“You just know when it’s right.” That’s what everyone says when asked how to know when you’ve met the right person to marry. Sometimes, it feels like a cheesy cop-out.
Dating relationships are risky. You get to know each other and see if it’s a fit. The time span of that differs. The depth of relationship may differ, but when the time is right for marriage, you have a mutual sense of agreement. You really do “just know,” and engagement is simply a formal declaration of what is already felt.
However, sometimes we can oversimplify complex questions we face in life. I believe the four questions posed in the following article can help any guy identify whether or not he’s ready to propose and whether or not she may be ready to say yes.
10 Books That Helped Me Better Understand Marriage
Before I got married, I read as much as I could about marriage and relationships. That’s typical of how we humans do life, isn’t it? Get it all figured out beforehand so nothing surprises us and we can maintain control.
After I got married, however, I discovered some parts of marriage were drastically different than I had imagined as I read books about it. I think it’s awesome to be “ahead of the game” in learning about marriage before we’re faced with the in-moment difficulties of communicating and relating. Yet, I think it’s helpful to take it all in smaller bites. We don’t have to read them all before marriage.
In this post, I’ve made a list of the top ten books I’ve read so far that I believe are must-reads for every young couple. I’ve also listed my suggested time when you should read them. Following my timelines and reading each book in the order I have laid out here in this post will guarantee you a successful and happy marriage for at least forty-two years. (Okay, maybe I’m joking.)
The Secret to Experiencing Meaningful Relationships
What if relationships weren’t meant to be about getting somewhere, but enjoying the journey?
Recently, my wife and I had a little squabble. The whole episode left both of us a little hurt and longing for deeper oneness as a couple. It’s in times like that I feel defeated and anxious of whether I’ll ever get relationships down, if you know what I mean.
We are all made for relationships. Even us men. We want meaningful relationships. But what does that mean? What does it look like?
