Every man who has stumbled into pornography wishes he could undo that day. That is, he wishes he could rid himself of the guilt and shame he feels, the inability to look people in the eyes without having anything to hide. I know what it’s like. I’ve been there. This is my story. Only, it’s simply part of my story–just the beginning. It’s the part that must be told if you are going to believe me when I say victory is possible.
Most of the readers on this blog are (or at least come from) “conservative Anabaptist” background. And most of these readers find themselves in dynamic time of life.
Dynamic because there is a lot of motion in the conservative Anabaptist church world today. Deep, unspoken questions people are wanting to find answers to. Few people are as aware and tuned into these questions (even frustrations) as brother Frank Reed.
Recently, I got to ask Frank some questions about the Anabaptist church world, today. Following is the interview.
What if you’re dating right now and your guy is looking at porn? What should you do?
I’ve been one of those addicted to pornography. I am also one who is free, today. Telling my wife-to-be the story of failure was the most difficult thing I’ve done. Yet, it was also really healing.
So, in an effort to help couples navigate their own relational turbulence, especially when it involves sexual sin, here are a few things I suggest you do if your man, the guy you deeply care about, is hooked on porn.
I was thirteen when I first looked up pornography. There was a three-day period when I didn’t care whether it was right or wrong—I fully indulged. Calculating times when I knew people wouldn’t be around, planning my strategy for searching, worshiping, and retreating.
But then I got caught. And once I knew I couldn’t get away with it, when I realized how violating my “acts of worship” were, I felt engulfed by shame.
Before getting married, I thought being a good husband was about “being ahead of the curve.” In an effort to do so, I devoured as many books on marriage and women as I could possibly find. And I learned a lot!
But there were a many things I never learned about in any of those books. One things was the many ways I accidentally make my wife feel ugly. Maybe one could change the word ugly for small or unwanted, but the point is after five years of marriage I am slowly waking up to the ways I unwittingly make my wife feel like mush.
In this post is the official introduction to a book I’ve been working on for the last two years: Live Free – conquering lust and discovering the power of male sexuality.
A recent study reveals that 54% of born again Christian men confess to viewing porn monthly. More than half. It also showed that 97% of all men have seen pornography at some point in their life.
The interesting thing is that 1 in 3 women also struggle with pornography. It’s not a just a male issue. But in general, we keep it hidden to ourselves. We don’t really talk about it with anyone, which causes us to further struggle.
There is a reason you don’t talk about your problem with porn. It doesn’t mean you are bad or ungodly, it means you’re normal. But don’t let it hold you back from finding freedom.
I learned a lesson on a recent trip I took by myself: actions have consequences.
More importantly, sin has consequences. When you and I give in to sin we will face excruciating consequences. Even though we may repent in brokenness, we cannot prevent the consequence of our actions.
I was traveling by myself and I should have known that I would be tempted, but I hadn’t experienced failure for a long time and assumed I’d be okay. Actually, I just didn’t even think about it. Life had been busy at the time, it never once dawned on me that Satan would attack me.
Author Asher Witmer knows what it’s like to want freedom from sexual sin only to continually fail. We’re often told we need more personal discipline, that we need to think godly things instead of fleshly things.
What if I told you that discipline won’t solve your problem with lust?
Our male sexuality is given by God for advancing beauty and goodness. But somewhere along the line it becomes something that causes devastation and guilt. The good news is we don’t have to live with guilt. In Live Free, Asher Witmer shows us how we can find freedom from sexual sin, live with nothing to hide, and be able to fight for others.
