9 Ways You Accidentally Make Your Husband Feel Little

I suppose it is only fair, after writing about how we men make our wives feel ugly, that I address how women make their husbands feel little. Not because I want to hit women over the head with how they’re failing us husbands. Rather, just as women can feel ugly from small gestures on our part, we sometimes feel little by seemingly innocent actions from them.

In my last post, I talked about nine ways husbands accidentally make their wives feel ugly. Here I’ll share nine ways wives accidentally make their husbands feel little. As a lady wants to feel beautiful and wanted, a man wants to feel capable and needed. These are nine subtle ways wives undermine their husbands.

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9 Ways You Accidentally Make Your Wife Feel Ugly

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Before getting married, I thought being a good husband was about “being ahead of the curve.” In an effort to do so, I devoured as many books on marriage and women as I could possibly find. And I learned a lot!

But there were a many things I never learned about in any of those books. One things was the many ways I accidentally make my wife feel ugly. Maybe one could change the word ugly for small or unwanted, but the point is after five years of marriage I am slowly waking up to the ways I unwittingly make my wife feel like mush.

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What You Need to Know about Romance before Getting Married

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Romance, the way we perceive it at first, like the ecstatic feeling of affection on the first date, or the hot sparks and fireworks that electrify your phalanges at the first kiss—that kind of romance doesn’t work.

Here’s why: Romance then is based on feelings of affection. It’s like being excited for the first time your traveled overseas: the only reason it’s exciting is because it is something new (and because you haven’t experienced many new things, yet).

Those feelings won’t last. They never do.

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Redefining Marriage in an Age of Permissiveness

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A well-known Christian author and speaker recently spoke out in favor of gay marriage and homosexual relationships, saying two adults have a right to choose who they want to love, and if they choose to love someone of the same-sex, then the church should help provide marriage support and parenting help. She went on to say that she wants the very best for her gay friends: love, happiness, faithfulness, commitment, and community.

I support her desires for homosexuals. I also want gay people to experience love, happiness, faithfulness, commitment, and community. I agree that the church has not done well in relating with the LGBT community.

But is redefining marriage so they can find those things as they are really the solution? How have we gotten to the place where professing born-again believers value relationships with people above faithfulness in marriage?

 

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We Have a Courtship Dilemma

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As I listen to other people in my generation I hear an increasing frustration with our courtship model. This seems to be true regardless of background. Is courtship as we know it today the way it should be?

Here’s how I’m approaching this post: I’m going to offer my perspective and then I want to hear yours. I love discussions, so let’s have one. I want to hear from other married people, but I also want to hear from singles. I want to hear your frustrations and desires.

Something has to change, and in order to influence change we must first have a conversation about it. So let’s talk. Let’s not argue or try to get everyone to understand ourselves, but instead let’s try to understand everyone else.

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Making Sure Your Marriage Ends Well

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I found it easy to invest in our relationship when Teresa and I were dating, but once we got married, it became more difficult. Add a couple busy boys to our life and investing in marriage feels as difficult as rowing upstream with dogs lapping at our faces. Today, we get into ruts: Danisa’s for dates, short quick prayers before sleep, flowers on birthday’s and special events, approaching sex the same way every time—you get the point.

So what are we to do? Just settle into a mundane, predictable marriage from here on forward?

I personally refuse to accept that. Marriage that way doesn’t end well. In fact, they often end early. So in an attempt to do today what it takes to end tomorrow thriving in our marriage, I’ve discovered these five ways of investing in my marriage that rekindle and deepen our relationship.

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How to Know She’ll Say “Yes!”

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“You just know when it’s right.” That’s what everyone says when asked how to know when you’ve met the right person to marry. Sometimes, it feels like a cheesy cop-out.

Dating relationships are risky. You get to know each other and see if it’s a fit. The time span of that differs. The depth of relationship may differ, but when the time is right for marriage, you have a mutual sense of agreement. You really do “just know,” and engagement is simply a formal declaration of what is already felt.

However, sometimes we can oversimplify complex questions we face in life. I believe the four questions posed in the following article can help any guy identify whether or not he’s ready to propose and whether or not she may be ready to say yes.

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10 Books That Helped Me Better Understand Marriage

Before I got married, I read as much as I could about marriage and relationships. That’s typical of how we humans do life, isn’t it? Get it all figured out beforehand so nothing surprises us and we can maintain control.

After I got married, however, I discovered some parts of marriage were drastically different than I had imagined as I read books about it. I think it’s awesome to be “ahead of the game” in learning about marriage before we’re faced with the in-moment difficulties of communicating and relating. Yet, I think it’s helpful to take it all in smaller bites. We don’t have to read them all before marriage.

In this post, I’ve made a list of the top ten books I’ve read so far that I believe are must-reads for every young couple. I’ve also listed my suggested time when you should read them. Following my timelines and reading each book in the order I have laid out here in this post will guarantee you a successful and happy marriage for at least forty-two years. (Okay, maybe I’m joking.)

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6 Powerful Principles for Understanding the Role of Affection in Courtship

I pulled in the driveway, parked the car, and shut off the engine. What an incredible night! We had eaten Subway (Teresa’s favorite fast-food) down by the river, then walked under the slowly setting sun until it was too dark to go any further. Since we weren’t finished talking, we decided to take a drive out towards Red Canyon Park. The moon was full and bright and I felt elated!

All I could think about was kissing her. She was so beautiful and I was completely enthralled with her.

At one point, I pulled off the side of the road and asked if I could hold her hand. I immediately retracted my request because I realized how it put her in an awkward place. She should not have to be the one protecting our sexual relationship. We had decided that we wouldn’t hold hands, not like that. It’s just that I felt such incredible desire for her I thought maybe we could do it for a little bit.

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Why Romance Doesn’t Last

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“Romance doesn’t work.” At least that’s what I told myself on January 12, 2013. Two months after our wedding.

We have a skewed perception of romance in our modern culture. What we consider romance really doesn’t last. It’s shallow, self-centered and conditional. Yes, even as Christians we say “I do” with very selfish motives.

Do we have to grow old and stale as so many couples do? If we pursue romance for the purpose of feeling affection, then at the point those affections are no longer appropriately met, we will probably withdraw and our romance will die. But there’s another way.

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My Personal Testimony

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Life is rarely cookie-cutter simple. Whether it’s relationships, family, money, following God, church, our jobs, or deciding which jeans to buy, life isn’t as easy as we wish it was.

Some people live as if life is a formula to be solved, but there is no formula to solve the disillusionment and confusion we sometimes feel. Perhaps that’s why I like to tackle issues on this blog that are relevant to my generation. I want this blog to be a place that helps people sort through the hard questions they face.

It seems to be resonating.

In the last year, the readership on this blog has increased by more than six hundred percent (600%). I typically assume that my readers know me and where I come from, but as is natural with such growth and as I’ve been discovering over the last six months, many, if not most, of my readers don’t know my background. So I thought that this week I would share with you my personal testimony.

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Why Marriage Won’t Solve Your Problem with Lust (and what will)

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Lust isn’t just a man’s problem. It’s a human problem. Furthermore, lust isn’t the fact that you desire sexual intimacy. That desire is good and God-given.

If you’ve been following the posts on lust and desire, than you know that single men and women aren’t necessarily lusting when they desire something that can only be satisfied in marriage. On the other hand, married men and women could be lusting when they want what can be satisfied, but their wanting it is self-focused and not motivated by love.

In other words, burning with passion may not be wrong and fulfilling sexual intimacy could be. That means many of us may not fully understand 1 Corinthians 7.

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