My wife was once asked by another young wife, whose husband was looking at porn, if all men struggle with it, if pornography something women just need to get used to.
That question burdens me, and is the primary motivation for my writing. Because we as men don’t have to be addicted to this stuff. We can be free. And when we become free, we realize just how powerful, meaningful, and good our sexuality really is.
One of the keys to freedom from porn is connecting with others, being ruthlessly honest with them. As long as I am connecting with people who love me, love Truth, and have the guts to stick with me through thick and thin and confront me when needed, I find increased victory.
But even if I know I am not the only one struggling with porn, if nothing seems to work in helping me get free I still won’t talk with others about my failures. Let me explain what I mean.
The last few articles I’ve been releasing mini glimpses into the content of my upcoming book Live Free – making sense of male sexuality. The book is a conversation about my own journey and what it means to live sexually whole and free as a man. This book is for men, by a man.
But I wanted to pause and acknowledge that lust isn’t just a man’s problem. Women struggle with it too.
I sat in a circle of guys sharing about moral struggles and wondered if I had done and seen things others hadn’t. Was I worse? Was I messed up in a way nobody else was? These guys weren’t being too specific about the way they “faced temptations” or “struggled with thoughts,” and my life was very specific about horrible things. I felt hopeless, afraid to be honest with others. But when I started sharing my story, I found out I wasn’t the only one. Neither are you. Here’s how I know.
Every man who has stumbled into pornography wishes he could undo that day. That is, he wishes he could rid himself of the guilt and shame he feels, the inability to look people in the eyes without having anything to hide. I know what it’s like. I’ve been there. This is my story. Only, it’s simply part of my story–just the beginning. It’s the part that must be told if you are going to believe me when I say victory is possible.
In this post is the official introduction to a book I’ve been working on for the last two years: Live Free – conquering lust and discovering the power of male sexuality.
God does not have a reverse economy. Satan does, and we chose to settle for his perversion of God’s economy, God’s perfect creation.
Nothing exists that God did not create. No creature, no desire, no ability, and no pleasure. He made it all and it is good. The normal way life functions is the way God designed it to. We are the ones who reversed the economy of life. We are upside-down from what God created.
Lust is not our longing of something Satan created, but our settling for his perversions as a way of fulfilling our longing for what God created. In order to live a life that truly matters, life as God intended, we need a supernatural salvation.
A recent study reveals that 54% of born again Christian men confess to viewing porn monthly. More than half. It also showed that 97% of all men have seen pornography at some point in their life.
The interesting thing is that 1 in 3 women also struggle with pornography. It’s not a just a male issue. But in general, we keep it hidden to ourselves. We don’t really talk about it with anyone, which causes us to further struggle.
There is a reason you don’t talk about your problem with porn. It doesn’t mean you are bad or ungodly, it means you’re normal. But don’t let it hold you back from finding freedom.
Lust isn’t just a man’s problem. It’s a human problem. Furthermore, lust isn’t the fact that you desire sexual intimacy. That desire is good and God-given.
If you’ve been following the posts on lust and desire, than you know that single men and women aren’t necessarily lusting when they desire something that can only be satisfied in marriage. On the other hand, married men and women could be lusting when they want what can be satisfied, but their wanting it is self-focused and not motivated by love.
In other words, burning with passion may not be wrong and fulfilling sexual intimacy could be. That means many of us may not fully understand 1 Corinthians 7.
I learned a lesson on a recent trip I took by myself: actions have consequences.
More importantly, sin has consequences. When you and I give in to sin we will face excruciating consequences. Even though we may repent in brokenness, we cannot prevent the consequence of our actions.
I was traveling by myself and I should have known that I would be tempted, but I hadn’t experienced failure for a long time and assumed I’d be okay. Actually, I just didn’t even think about it. Life had been busy at the time, it never once dawned on me that Satan would attack me.
Author Asher Witmer knows what it’s like to want freedom from sexual sin only to continually fail. We’re often told we need more personal discipline, that we need to think godly things instead of fleshly things.
What if I told you that discipline won’t solve your problem with lust?
Our male sexuality is given by God for advancing beauty and goodness. But somewhere along the line it becomes something that causes devastation and guilt. The good news is we don’t have to live with guilt. In Live Free, Asher Witmer shows us how we can find freedom from sexual sin, live with nothing to hide, and be able to fight for others.
