If you haven’t already, it’s only a matter of time until your church faces the question, “Should a divorced and remarried couple really separate when they join the church?” If you’re background is like mine, you typically have taken a fairly strict stand, viewing remarriage after divorce to be living in sin. But is that actually true? Should we really make couples separate?
As the serpent got Adam and Eve to disobey God by wounding their confidence in His goodness, so he gets us to disobey God by wounding our confidence in Him. All addictions, and particularly sexual addictions, exist because deep in our hearts we believe God isn’t good.
Everyone, to a certain degree, is looking for a place to belong, a sense of self-worth, and confidence in his ability to do something well. And I believe Adam and Eve experienced that perfectly in the Garden of Eden.
But they lost their perfect sense of security because they believed the lie suggesting God didn’t have their best in mind, that He was holding out on them. They grabbed fig leaves to cover their shame, and in the same way, we grab a sort of fig leaf or mask to prevent others from seeing us for who we really are.
For years, I was afraid of beautiful women, of ever being alone with someone I felt attracted to. I feared I would not be able to control my desires for her. And what if I was married and a woman tried proposing to me or seducing me? Could I stand strong, or would I give in?
When is preserving marriage enabling abuse? Is all divorce sin? Does “turning the other cheek” apply to victims of domestic violence?
All this and more discussed in this week’s patron-sponsored blog post.
My wife was once asked by another young wife, whose husband was looking at porn, if all men struggle with it, if pornography something women just need to get used to.
That question burdens me, and is the primary motivation for my writing. Because we as men don’t have to be addicted to this stuff. We can be free. And when we become free, we realize just how powerful, meaningful, and good our sexuality really is.
One of the keys to freedom from porn is connecting with others, being ruthlessly honest with them. As long as I am connecting with people who love me, love Truth, and have the guts to stick with me through thick and thin and confront me when needed, I find increased victory.
But even if I know I am not the only one struggling with porn, if nothing seems to work in helping me get free I still won’t talk with others about my failures. Let me explain what I mean.
The last few articles I’ve been releasing mini glimpses into the content of my upcoming book Live Free – making sense of male sexuality. The book is a conversation about my own journey and what it means to live sexually whole and free as a man. This book is for men, by a man.
But I wanted to pause and acknowledge that lust isn’t just a man’s problem. Women struggle with it too.
I sat in a circle of guys sharing about moral struggles and wondered if I had done and seen things others hadn’t. Was I worse? Was I messed up in a way nobody else was? These guys weren’t being too specific about the way they “faced temptations” or “struggled with thoughts,” and my life was very specific about horrible things. I felt hopeless, afraid to be honest with others. But when I started sharing my story, I found out I wasn’t the only one. Neither are you. Here’s how I know.
Every man who has stumbled into pornography wishes he could undo that day. That is, he wishes he could rid himself of the guilt and shame he feels, the inability to look people in the eyes without having anything to hide. I know what it’s like. I’ve been there. This is my story. Only, it’s simply part of my story–just the beginning. It’s the part that must be told if you are going to believe me when I say victory is possible.
Masturbation is one of those topics where there isn’t one easy answer for everyone. I want to be careful in writing about masturbation that I don’t cause unnecessary struggle for anyone, but I believe part of finding sexual freedom and healing is understanding our bodies and how they work and what causes us to do certain things. If we never talk about masturbation, it can actually cause people to forever wrestle with lust.
Is masturbation wrong? Well, read more to find out!
Have we made church more complicated than it needs to be?
On one hand, we want a church full of life, one where the people are authentic and genuinely love each other. On the other hand, there are plenty of things we don’t want in a church, such as external rules, competition, and controlling leadership.
But what if none of this is what matters when it comes to knowing you are in a good church?
Author Asher Witmer knows what it’s like to want freedom from sexual sin only to continually fail. We’re often told we need more personal discipline, that we need to think godly things instead of fleshly things.
What if I told you that discipline won’t solve your problem with lust?
Our male sexuality is given by God for advancing beauty and goodness. But somewhere along the line it becomes something that causes devastation and guilt. The good news is we don’t have to live with guilt. In Live Free, Asher Witmer shows us how we can find freedom from sexual sin, live with nothing to hide, and be able to fight for others.
