Sometimes it feels that everyone around me is hurting more than I realize. My wife. My siblings. Close friends. Myself. I wonder if my sons already wrestle with pain in their little hearts. Perhaps caused by me.
We live in a broken world. I recently saw a headline of a Dad in Los Angeles who held his son hostage. I can’t imagine the terror in that little boy’s heart and mind. Or what about the mom who comes home drunk or on drugs. Dad’s not around because he went to jail long ago. Who’s going to take care of the two little girls curled up in the corner of the living room?
But not everyone experiences trauma of that kind. The emotional damage can be similar, but the outside looks a lot different.
A Christian Dad never tells his daughter she’s beautiful. He only points out when she needs to change her dress. She has a hard time believing God delights in her.
A Christian Mom controls her boys so much they grow up resenting her. As soon as they can they escape her suffocating grip.
We all carry pain at some level. Yet, in Christian circles it’s not always noticeable (especially conservative Christian circles). And we rarely talk about it. Churches split because we can’t talk about our pain.
I have two good friends whose churches are both in turmoil. No one is really willing to work through the issues. In fact, no one is really willing to talk about what the issues are.
In general, we as Christians don’t resolve issues well.
That’s why we become ineffective in influencing society for Christ. No matter how involved in ministry we are, our effectiveness is limited by the healthiness of our emotions.
Peter Scazzero says,
“It is impossible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.”
I have to agree with him. Resolving relational issues is not just a spiritual matter. A little more prayer and Bible reading isn’t what helps you overcome bitterness. It doesn’t take away pain. Resolving issues is a lot more involved than that.
It requires vulnerability. That’s why it is scary. I need to be vulnerable in order to resolve my pain, but just because I am vulnerable with others doesn’t mean they will be vulnerable with me. In fact, they may use my vulnerability against me.
So we play it safe, instead.
And end up splitting ways. Not learning to love. Not overcoming, much less being more than overcomers.
I want to be a part of a generation that changes course. I believe my parents’ generation has initiated the change, my generation needs to complete it. Let’s quit putting Band-Aids on infections. Let’s stop dancing around the white elephants in the room and instead address the issues. Not from a condemning, getting revenge point of view; but from a loving point of view that desires reconciliation.
One of these “white elephant” issues is relationships with our Dads. For some reason, in our conservative circles we don’t talk about that much. I’m not sure why. But I believe many people struggle with it. And perhaps it’s one of the main reasons children don’t embrace their parents values: there’s no emotional connection.
This past March, I developed an eBook, called Dad and I, on sorting through the hard parts of father-son relationships. It’s my story in this journey of finding emotional health.
The purpose of the book is not to blame our Dads, it’s to help you find healing and freedom to function as God intends for you.
It’s to help you take the next step in developing emotional health so that you can become more effective in your relationships and ministry. If that’s what you want and you have not yet read the book, I invite you to get your own free copy here.
My prayer is that my generation proactively pursues resolution to relational and spiritual issues. If we do, I believe we can more effectively influence society for Christ. If we don’t, and we continue letting things “blow over,” or if we keep pushing them under the rug, we will become a part of society’s problems.
Don’t wait any longer. Join me in the journey. And let God begin bringing order to the part of your heart that is in chaos.
Why do you think we avoid resolving issues? Comment here.
To receive your own free copy of Dad and I, sign up here.
