It’s really sad how quickly we neglect things once we get them—even things that are important to us. Like our spouse.
I found it really easy to invest in our relationship when Teresa and I were dating, but once we got married, it became more difficult. Add a couple busy boys to our life and investing in marriage feels as difficult as rowing upstream with our pet dogs lapping at our faces. Today, we get into ruts: Danisa’s for dates, short quick prayers before sleep, flowers on birthday’s and special events, approaching sex the same way every time—you get the point.
So what are we to do? Just settle into a mundane, predictable marriage from here on forward?
I personally refuse to accept that. Marriage that way doesn’t end well. In fact, they often end early. So in an attempt to do today what it takes to end tomorrow thriving in our marriage, I’ve discovered these five ways of investing in my marriage that rekindle and deepen our relationship.
Take My Wife on Regular Dates
Teresa and I go out once a week—barring births, sicknesses, or vacations. We’ve done that ever since the first month of our marriage. We’ve persevered for three long years through rain, sleet, sun, snow, blown tires, foreign lands and so much more (okay, maybe I’ve exaggerated). Dates don’t always have to be flashy or expensive. In fact, we take more of them if they’re not. But they do need to be intentional.
Our dates always go better when I’ve thought through questions to ask my wife and various life-issues we need to talk about as a couple. At the same time, fun dates are also good. We may not even talk much on those dates, but we’re just doing something fun together.
[irp posts=”2077″ name=”10 Sure-Fire Ways to Ruin Emotional Intimacy with Your Wife”]
That one-on-one time is huge. Other people will get my attention because of certain responsibilities. My wife will never demand a meeting on a certain day; others will. Unless I intentionally set aside time and make arrangements for dating my wife, I’m pretty sure our marriage won’t end well.
Go on Regular Getaways as a Couple
One of the biggest pieces of advice others gave us when we got married was to make time for getaways as a couple, even when the kids start coming. Again, that was easy to do without children—we had half a dozen getaways the first year. Even now, it’s easy for us because we live close to family who are more than willing to babysit for us so we can get away for a couple of days. But it’s something I plan to keep up in some form or another even if we would not live near family.
I’m grateful for that advice because I can already see how if we are not intentional about getting away as a couple for a few days a year, life will grow really busy and we will come to the end of our marriage as business partners, so to speak, instead of lovers.
Grow Together Spiritually
To be honest, I struggle to have devotional time with Teresa. I feel awkward and not quite sure how to do it. But that’s what good couples do if they’re going to grow together spiritually, right?
Actually, that’s not necessarily true.
[irp posts=”2211″ name=”12 Secret Facts about My Wife (and why I really like her)”]
I do believe that if we’re going to end marriage well, we need to grow together spiritually, but I also believe that if we see that as merely the act of reading the Bible together, we don’t understand what it means to be spiritual beings and to grow together in that way. For Teresa and I, our most meaningful times together spiritually happen at random moments throughout the day as we are talking about an issue in life and we pause together and pray about it.
Or, another way we experience meaningful spiritual times together is processing a Biblical principle together. We may each study the bible separately, but we’ll talk about it over supper, as we go to sleep, or on our dates.
Everything we do in life is not only at a physical and emotional level, but also at a spiritual level because we are spiritual beings, possessing a soul, living in a physical body. When we take every opportunity to process emotional or physical issues with God, we grow together spiritually.
But if you do need help starting, here are three disciplines Teresa and I have done various times to intentionally pursue spiritual growth:
- Study the Bible together
- Pray together
- Share together about what God is doing in our lives
To end marriage badly, ignore God. End marriage well by going through it with Him as the center of your relationship.
Grow Together Emotionally
This can actually be more difficult than growing together spiritually. How do we know if we’re growing emotionally?
Here’s a few ideas:
- Make time for staying in touch with each other at an emotional level
- Read books that deal with heart issues and discuss them together
- Pursue mentors individually or as a couple (seek out couples who have marriages and families you admire)
- Get counseling as a couple
Some people view counseling as a slam against their dignity—as if it is a sign of failure to need to get counseling. But it’s not. It is simply a good way to grow emotionally and process life together. Sometimes we need others to help us connect again with Christ and that is what good counselors do.
We can’t ignore what is going on inside our hearts if we’re going to end marriage well. As much as we may try, pain, confusion, frustrating experiences, ecstasy, joy, and all those wonderful emotions affect us. We have to process them well or we’ll grow apart from those closest to us.
[irp posts=”2593″ name=”Why Romance Doesn’t Last”]
Grow Together Intellectually
The last way that I’ve discovered of investing in my marriage is to grow intellectually as a couple. What do I mean by that?
Simple things like reading books and watching video series on certain topics we want to grow in. Areas we have focused on are relationships, communication, and family. I will read other books that may deal with other topics than what she’s reading, but the key is to discuss together what we’re learning.
Simply put, I’ve noticed that couples who live life together, not only stay together, but thrive together as they grow old.
Without intentionality, it’s easy to quit investing in my marriage. These are five simple ways I’ve discovered to make sure to do today what it takes to end my marriage thriving tomorrow.
What about you?
