If your pastor got up in front of the church this coming Sunday and confessed he was gay, what would you do? What would you do if one of your church elders or deacons or small group leaders confessed to having an extra marital affair?
Does it throw you for a loop even considering the possibility? Might you struggle to trust them, want their resignation, and feel disillusioned with God?
But what about yourself? Have you ever looked at pornography, fantasized about a relationship that wasn’t yours to have, or been tempted to do something you knew went against God’s will? Have you ever thought about the reality that your leaders are just as human as you?
I don’t mean to make light of sin, and certainly don’t mean to justify sin going on at any level within the church. However, might I suggest that our gut reactions to such an idea exposes the overall response to sin within the church.
We are disgusted. Turned off. Infuriated.
We are not very often grieved, provoked with love, or empathetic.
It is almost as if we expect each other to be perfect as soon as we claim Jesus as our Lord. But we’re not. We’re not perfect. And neither are our leaders.
And if our identity in Christ and confidence in the faith hangs on the expectations that our leaders are perfect, what are they supposed to do when they sin?
You see, if we’re not careful, our focus can be so fixed on becoming like Christ that we try living holy as He is holy without His redemptive work actually taking place in our hearts. We can try imitating a lifestyle without actually having the relational experience that provokes such a lifestyle in the first place.
In other words, we try living the Christian life without the Gospel.
A culture founded upon the emphasis of being perfect doesn’t know how to handle the reality that we are not perfect. Are we being made perfect? Absolutely! But we still live with a fallen nature. We live in a broken world. And every now and then we see face to face that inwardly we are quite ugly.
And if we happen to be in a church culture that emphasizes perfection, there is no other option than to stuff it. Deny it. Try to overcome it on our own.
Only, sin wasn’t meant to be overcome on one’s own.
Eventually, without honest confession of what’s going on inside, and without the help of brothers and sisters who love us and bear our burden with us, the sin will take over our lives. And when it does, it will most certainly disgrace far more people than ourselves.
It’s hard enough for laypeople to be honest about sin, let alone any of the leaders. I believe it is because we don’t know how to handle imperfection, especially in leaders. We look to them, rightfully so, to guide us in truth and wisdom.
But sometimes, we expect them to be Godlike in how they handle their, as well as our, humanity.
Churches must become places of safety where people are free to confess their sin. Churches must be places where everyone moves towards each other with love, caring for one another and forgiving each other’s sins.
After all, Christ forgave us of our sins—even the one’s we haven’t committed yet. Are we willing to forgive others?
Instead of being disgusted, feel grief. Allow the sadness of the sin to cause us to move toward the person in caring for their needs.
Being disgusted at sin never helped anyone overcome it. Feeling like someone cared about us, in spite of our sin, has helped every one of us draw closer to Christ.
And it is Christ who works redemption and healing in us.
My point in all of us this is that too often our churches become places where we parrot perfection. The way we respond to a pastor acknowledging sin in his life exposes that we are simply doing our best to cover up a reality of us all—we are fallen people.
I believe we need to begin creating cultures within our churches where pastors can acknowledge their sin before it has taken over their lives in a way that derails the church—not to say anything about their families. So, let me close by suggesting a few ways we might begin changing church culture so that anyone struggling with any sin feels safe enough to confess.
- Begin every day with a keen awareness that left to yourself you are walking away from God. Nothing within you, nothing you do, is or makes you righteous. Jesus died, the perfect sacrifice. Believing Him and making Him supreme in your life allows His Spirit to perfect righteousness in you. But it’s not your work. It’s Gods. And He has just as much work to do in you as anyone else.
- Whenever you recognize or are confronted with the fact that there is sin in your life, whether immorality or bitterness, extra marital affair or jealousy, confess it. Don’t try handling it on your own. Get others involved in your journey earlier rather than later.
- Whenever someone else confesses sin, don’t judge them. Don’t give them a list of ways they need to improve. Don’t recite a bunch of Bible verses to get them to be serious about their life. There will be plenty of time to correct something that is wrong. In a moment of confession, they need to be affirmed for confessing. They need to know, as a brother or sister, you have their back and you want to walk this journey with them. They also need you to get to know their story. So, pursue them.
Pray for your pastors. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Do your best to exemplify godliness and character. But if you stumble in sin, or if your brother stumbles in sin, or your pastor, don’t see it as a failure. See it as an opportunity to go deeper in healing and love.
That’s how restoration begins.
Have you felt a perfection emphasis in your church? Do you think you could help it change? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
