I learned a lesson on a recent trip I took by myself: actions have consequences.
More importantly, sin has consequences. When you and I give in to sin we will face excruciating consequences. Even though we may repent in brokenness, we cannot prevent the consequence of our actions.
I was traveling by myself and I should have known that I would be tempted, but I hadn’t experienced failure for a long time and assumed I’d be okay. Actually, I just didn’t even think about it. Life had been busy at the time, it never once dawned on me that Satan would attack me.
Yet, there I was. Lying in the dark. And all the old fantasies coming back. Making me feel like perverted scum. The sickest part about it was that I didn’t resist. Well, I kind of asked God to take it away. But I didn’t sit up and fight like a man. Instead, I let it play.
“It’s not for real. Just something from the past—that no one has ever really known about. No one has to know about this. It won’t last long.” I heard myself saying in my head.
I rolled it around in my mind’s eye. Remembering the pleasure this fantasy used to bring me. Somehow I forgot the overpowering guilt that always followed.
The lights turned on. “Everyone, please put your seat-backs upright and buckle your seat belts. We will be landing in twenty minutes.” I sat up. Trying to erase everything that had been floating through my cranium.
“What are you doing, Asher? You know you don’t want this!” something inside of me said.
“I know! I know! I’ll fight it next time.”
I have a wife, for Pete’s sake! And a family. How could I be doing this?
Eight hours in an airport from four in the morning until twelve in the afternoon is not a good place for someone tired and drained at the end of a busy school year. It’s not good because the seats are way too uncomfortable to sleep.
So I went online. Tried to check my email, but forgot Google doesn’t work in China. Facebook didn’t work. I went to sports, instead. Checked baseball. The Stanley Cup finals. Went over to another sports site to catch up on a little more news. And there it was.
Why did I choose that website when I hadn’t visited it in nearly four years? I knew it was there. Every time I went to that website in the past I stumbled into junk, so I started finding sports news elsewhere. I knew I could get what I wanted to know at other sites. What made me go to that one this time? When I was alone. And tired.
What makes a man who walks with God, spends time in His Word, prays often, and tells others about Jesus engage in sexual sin?
A man like that doesn’t wake up one day and realize that he’d enjoy looking at pornography more than preach about Jesus. He discovered that long ago. And he gave in. He chose to play a little hooky from his relationship with Christ and fulfill his flesh for a moment. It became a secret habit. And that habit became a stronghold. And the stronghold took over his private life because that’s what strongholds do.
He didn’t engage in sexual sin because he wanted to. Nobody wants to sin. Not actually, at least. He engaged in it because it was the consequence of flirting with lust.
Actions have consequences. And the consequences of sin is death. Bondage. Separation.
I failed that day.
Not because I looked at pornography—because didn’t. I failed because I chose to ignore the Spirit’s promptings and warnings to stop. I flirted with lust by continuing to “check news” on sites with sexual environments.
The trigger of all sin is looking to fulfill our cravings and desires apart from God.
Because of my choice to pursue fleshly pleasure without God, I experienced a grueling struggle for a week. It was so difficult I contacted a friend of mine and asked for prayer. I confessed to him what I had done. I repented before God and told my wife what I was facing.
I felt shame because I thought I was past sexual sin. I knew God forgave me and would help me—and could, now that I had confessed it. But I was broken because I realized that actions have consequences.
As a boy, I had heard about pornography.
“Naked women,” is what I was told it meant. I wish I would have left that a mystery, but when I was thirteen I surrendered to the little voice inside saying, “you should find out what ‘naked women’ look like.”
So I did. My Dad was gone and I knew the Internet protection was off for a couple days. I sneaked into the office and searched “naked women.”
I can’t describe what happened that instant as pictures showed up in the results. I was awed, yet felt violated. Or more like I was violating someone else. Something told me it was wrong, but it felt intoxicatingly delightful. I was drawn in, checking around now and then to make sure no one was nearby. Thirty minutes past, then forty. I probably spent two hours absorbing the images.
What happened that day began the five worst years of my private life. While pornography was not constant throughout it all, the fantasies I developed were. They became habitual—haunting me every night.
The consequence of looking at pornography was that it allowed the enemy to waltz right into my mind and heart and torment me anytime he wanted.
Why don’t we talk about this in our churches?
I mean, actually get real about the struggles we face—why doesn’t that happen?
Almost every guy I know has struggled with pornography at one point in his life. It’s readily available and easy to access. Not to mention that society is increasingly sexualized. The struggle with moral purity is common. Yet, we don’t really deal with it.
With every act of giving in to sexual temptations, the consequence are that the stronghold of lust take over more of our hearts. Don’t we want to figure out how to overcome these temptations?
You and I cannot afford to live on the edge in our morality.
There are some things in life where we can live on the edge, even go over the edge, and be okay.
Time, for instance. I don’t have to show up an hour early for work. If I’m supposed to be at work by eight o’clock, I can show up right at eight. I can even show up five minutes late and my boss probably won’t be mad.
If you have thirty dollars budgeted for clothes, you can spend all thirty dollars on clothes. Even if you spend thirty-five dollars, no one will get hurt.
But if we go over the edge in our moral purity, if we cross the line at all, we face devastating consequences. It’s not worth it!
We’ve got to start talking more about this.
Too many young men stumble along trying to figure out “freedom.” And when they fall into sin, we blame them (or something else), but we don’t help them find victory. Not as well as we should, at least.
This summer I am writing an eBook* on moral purity. I’m going to share my journey of sexual purity. A journey of failure, struggle and victory.
Maybe you’re wondering if victory is even possible. It seems like you continually fall no matter how hard you try. Perhaps you have concluded that you’ll never be completely free from lust.
Jesus said,
“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)
I’m not a Greek scholar, but I consume what I can through my ESV Hebrew-Greek Key Word Study Bible. As I understand it, the word know used in this verse implies an experiential knowledge: to “comprehend, feel, grasp, find-out.” It’s not academic knowledge having to do with intelligence, but a felt, vibrant, and personal discovery of the actual something—in this passage, truth.
Truth is “truth incarnate”—Jesus Himself. What Christ is saying here is that if you abide in His word you will experience Himself and He will set you free.
He goes on to confirm this when the Pharisee’s question how He has authority to say “you will be set free.” Jesus says, “Who the son has set free, is free indeed,” explaining that we are slaves and He is the Son. If He sets us free, we are free indeed!
Most of us attempt to fight our battles with moral purity by fixing an action.
We “try harder” or set-up road blocks to keep us from pursuing what we’re really wanting. However, Jesus talks about a freedom that obliterates sinful desires so we don’t need roadblocks to keep us from sinning. Maybe more, it’s that He gives a freedom to feel an all-consuming passion for holy desires. The path to that freedom is by experiencing Jesus, personally.
I’m on a journey of discovering what it means to experience Jesus, and I tell you about it in my book. I talk about how our sexual fantasies are usually tied closely to our deepest pain and how finding lasting freedom over lust comes only through experiencing Jesus’s healing power in that area of our lives.
God not only wants for us to be set free from sexual sin, but for us to experience Him on a deeply personal level.
Will you let him into that part of your life?
If you struggle with moral purity (or know someone who does) and want to find freedom, you can purchase the book here. Most men struggle morally when they feel a void in their lives because of relational wounds. This book helps you identify those wounds and find healing.
Question: Why do you think moral struggles aren’t dealt with much in our churches? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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