Yesterday, everyone celebrated Valentine’s Day. Some celebrated by taking their love on a hot date. Others celebrated by ripping up photos of their ex and throwing them in the trash.
Okay, so maybe not everyone celebrated. But if your church is like most churches, at some point over the course of this month you will be having a “Valentine’s Dinner.”
But do Valentine’s celebrations like this help or hinder the church?
Now, I am married. I’ve been married over six years, at the time of writing this. I love my wife and we have celebrated many wonderful Valentine’s Days over the course of our marriage. (Yesterday, we celebrated by packing our three boys in the van and driving six hours in the rain—pretty hot!)
My point is, I am not asking this question as a disgruntled single—not that it would invalidate the question. I am asking it because I sincerely wonder: does celebrating Valentine’s Day as a church help or hinder the body?
On one hand, Valentine’s celebrations are wonderful for the church.
I was a part of a few dinners as a single where the youth all served the married folks. I was a part of another as a married man where a few single ladies organized a dinner for the parents of young families. Another year, one of our single friends came to me and offered to babysit so Teresa and I could take a date.
These are special memories. Special, because either I had fun helping others celebrate their love life or I was given the space to celebrate mine because of friends who cared enough to lay aside their desires and wishes and make it possible for me.
On the other hand, Valentine’s celebrations seem to communicate something subtle that I’m not sure does good for anyone in the church.
Underneath the surface, what seems to get communicated is that marriage is the epitome of life experiences.
Why is it singles always serve the married people at Valentine’s celebrations? Of course, it’s because Valentine’s is all about romance—but that’s my point.
When do we celebrate other types of intimate relationships?
We don’t.
It’s as if we believe close, intimate connection happens only in the midst of romance. We are never provoked to develop better and deeper relationships with those in our community…unless we’re single and zeroing in on “a catch.”
But community, which is core to why the church exists, does not happen unless the people in community with each other share intimate relationships with one another. By intimate, I mean transparent, self-giving, honest, dependent-on-the-other-as-if-my-life-comes-from-the-existance-of-the-relationship.
And if you question whether that type of dependence is necessary for Christians, take a pass through the book of Ephesians.
Community is messy—that’s why it can be hard. We don’t feel warm fuzzies like we do in romance. But warm fuzzies don’t determine the value of something.
God has made us for relationships, and he has intricately woven relationships with others into the process of our salvation (Eph. 4:7-16).
You cannot experience Christ fully and refuse to experience his people.
Yet, Valentine’s celebrations give the impression we can—they give the impression that what is most important is romance. So, we have singles serve the married people regardless of age, creating an even greater divide between those who are married and those who are not.
I don’t mean to throw hot water on anyone’s cherry-filled chocolates. There is nothing wrong with celebrating romance—nothing wrong rejoicing in the love of one’s youth.
It’s just that I think here in America, especially as millennials, we have fallen so in-love with ourselves that we struggle to think about others.
We struggle to even know how to develop relationships with others.
And I don’t say that to condemn anyone. Most of us haven’t done this on purpose; we’ve done it from ignorance. Which is why there is one thing Valentine’s day is good for regardless of anyone’s marital status:
As a married person, dating person, or single person, Valentine’s Day can help each of us remember the love we all long for. We all want a place where we can belong. We want a place where we are cherished and valued, respected and admired.
Valentine’s celebrations can help the church by letting it motivate us to create an atmosphere of love within our communities.
What do you think? Do Valentine’s celebrations help or hinder the church? In what ways can we create an atmosphere for deeper relationships among everyone in our communities? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Are you someone who wants to be able to look people in the eyes without having anything to hide and to be able to fight for others? Yet, maybe you’re looking at porn or habitually masturbating. You feel guilt and as if you’re less of a man, but aren’t sure how to gain victory.If that’s you, I invite you to check out my brand new book, Live Free: Making Sense of Male Sexuality.
