The following article is an excerpt of my FREE eBook, Date Sexually Free. Download the full version for yourself by clicking here.
I pulled in the driveway, parked the car, and shut off the engine. What an incredible night!
We had eaten Subway (Teresa’s favorite fast-food) down by the river, then walked under the slowly setting sun until it was too dark to go any further. Since we weren’t finished talking, we decided to take a drive out towards Red Canyon Park. The moon was full and bright and I felt like I was on cloud nine!
All I could think about was kissing her. She was so beautiful and I was completely enthralled with her.
As we drove, we talked about our feelings for each other, trying to guess, I suppose, at whether or not we both wanted marriage.
Eventually, we found our way back to her house, and sat in silence in the dark of the driveway. I still felt extreme passion for her. I desperately wanted to hold her hand, give her a hug, kiss her on the cheek—anything that said “I loved you” better than words. But I knew that if we got involved physically my passion for her would only grow, and I was afraid that if we began giving physical affection to each other we’d end up compromising morally.
But something deep inside of me felt that as a Christian couple, we should be able to express our affection without stumbling into sexual immorality. It didn’t seem right that I would be so ruled by my passion that I’d compromise sexually with my girlfriend.
Besides, what was I supposed to do with these euphoric feelings I had? Is it going to be possible to date sexually free?
Somewhere, something had to give: either I was going to compromise with my girlfriend or I would compromise in the confines of my own secret pleasure. Weren’t both wrong? Surely there had to be another way.
It seems to me that when it comes to physical affection in courtship, or dating, or whatever you want to call it, we often come up incomplete in our conclusion of how a couple should handle their physical relationship. I don’t think any of us want to commit fornication, but I think all of us understand there’s more to immorality than simply holding hands. Fornication begins somewhere deeper, somewhere that affects how we think, what we want and which choices we make.
Could it be we misunderstand sexual health? Maybe we misunderstand relationships as a whole.
I heard once that dating was for connecting spiritually, engagement for connecting emotionally, and marriage for connecting physically. It sounded good, and I didn’t think anything of it. At least not until I experienced my own relationship and realized you can’t separate the spiritual, emotional or physical.
We are created as physical beings with a soul and spirit, and all three intertwine with each other. The spirit of a man affects his mind and emotions right along with his body. And his mind and emotions affect his body and spirit together.
Because of that, a couple is getting to know each other spiritually, physically, and emotionally all at the same time.
When I realized this, I decided compartmentalizing dating, engagement and marriage was drastically incomplete. I believe this misunderstanding is part of why there are so many dysfunctional dating relationships today.
Download Our Free eBook on Sexually Healthy Dating Relationships
My wife and I wish we had known these five lessons before we started dating.
Teresa and I went on to have a wonderful courtship, as we called it. Understanding every relationship is sexual as much as it is spiritual or emotional helped us know how to make it a healthy one as we got to know each other more intimately.
We started “hands-off,” as they say. Some people believe it’s a sin to touch when you’re only dating. That’s not why we were hands-off. Those people also need chaperones and we did not have chaperones. We were hands-off for another reason, and we didn’t stay hands-off the whole time we dated.
But before I tell you about all of that, in order to help you understand why we made the decisions we did. I’d like to give you more of the backstory, some of the things I’ve discovered about sexual health and dating relationships.
Too many people struggle with lust even when they’re not touching each other.
Too many couples don’t trust their partners because they feel pursued only for the other person’s pleasure. It’s time we get to the bottom of this and discover the freedom God intends for men and women to experience not only as couples, but as individual human beings.
Now, you just completed the first chapter of my five-chapter eBook entitled Date Sexually Free. If you don’t think you’ll be back tomorrow and would rather read the whole series now, I’ve put everything into one PDF you can download absolutely free by clicking here.
Question: Have you heard people compartmentalize dating, engagement, and marriage like I had? In what ways is that kind of thinking incomplete, maybe even dangerous? Share your thoughts in the comments.
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