What do church and October have in common? That’s right—pastors!
October is pastor’s appreciation month, the time of year everyone lays down their agitated opinions of leadership and pretend to actually like the ones that lead them.
But what if you don’t like your pastor? What if you’d rather take him under and replace him with someone more in line with your ideas of church?
I’ve been blessed with great pastors in my life and as I have gotten to know their hearts I’ve observed several things that really get them down. For those of you not interested in pretending anymore that you actually appreciate your pastor and would rather watch him perish, I have neatly organized my observations about pastor depreciation into seven powerful principles for doing just that.
The Principle of Indifference
Perhaps the most important principle for ruining your pastor is to remember that as a part of the local body of Christ you must refuse to show any interest in church and ministry. Act as if it’s neither here nor there whether the church is functioning vibrantly and people are coming to know the Lord. The pastor is here to serve you, the lay-people. Don’t make the mistake of helping him out in the process.
The Principle of Combativeness
Because he exists to serve you, the second most valuable principle is to combat every major decision your pastor makes. Remind him often of the need to hear from the “brotherhood.” Bring constant awareness to his inefficient problem-solving abilities. And if he fails to respect your wishes, garner a band of brothers to help you in your campaign to see him overthrown (or undergone, as the case may be).
These first two principles alone will cause most pastors to resign. But if you have properly implemented what I’ve laid out for you thus far and your pastor is still around, here are a few more principles to keep in mind.
The Principle of Superciliousness
Be sure to go to Bible school. All lay-people must go to Bible school in order to make well-educated decisions concerning your church leaders. When you return from Bible School, act as if you now know more than your pastor, constantly quoting the four Greek words you learned in your introduction to Bible Study Methods class. (Remember that word search you did?) Never let your pastor make a point without countering him with a far more profound thought using large words and original texts.
The Principle of Passive/Aggressiveness
Because you’re so astute in Bible knowledge, every once in a while speak up about the need for more passion for God and to live a life that represents the love of Christ. Then when your pastor begins preaching sermons about sin and calling people to repentance, be sure to complain about him being judgment and unloving.
The Principle of Observation
Learn to be a keen observer of other excellent and well-liked pastors. Then, while standing in his presence, compare your pastor with them. The key here is to make him aware that there are others who do much better than he does and to subtly let him know he isn’t measuring up.
The Principle of Presumption
Whenever you have a problem with your pastor and his leadership, go directly to him and complain, no questions asked. He’s got a perspective you don’t have, a view of the situation that only those who know everyone in the group understands so be sure to get your word in before he begins to speak. Pastor’s always feel discouraged and depressed after people they are responsible for make presumptions about their decisions.
The Principle of Chatter
Lastly, when you have an issue with him, his personality or the way he relates to children, always talk about it behind his back to other people instead of actually talking with him about it. Bringing the issue to him one-on-one runs the risk of resolving whatever it is you have against him, and that wouldn’t help take your pastor under.
Truth be told, it’s really quite easy to get rid of pastors you don’t like: simply treat them how you would not want to be treated and they’ll get the point.
I hope these seven powerful principles rejuvenate your dedication to express undue depreciation for your benevolent pastor during these October weeks. If you have any questions or further comments on the principles outlined above, feel free to chatter about them in the comments below.
Best regards!
