Ever wonder how serious an issue porn addiction really is in the church?
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When I was thirteen years old I made one of the worst decisions of my life: I chose to Google pornography to see what it was. I was curious. I had been told vaguely what it meant, but I wondered what it actually looked like. I wish I would have left it unknown, but I didn’t. As a result, I spent the rest of my teen years struggling with porn addiction.
I praise God for giving me victory over porn and lust, but am grieved by how many men struggle just as I did. Porn addiction is a growing phenomenon with the advent of digital media and it doesn’t seem to make a difference regardless of whether or not you’re Christian.
The stats are virtually the same inside the church as they are outside.
In 2014 Proven Men Ministries conducted a pornography survey in conjunction with the Barna Group and discovered a few things that I consider mind-blowing. Paul says there shouldn’t be even a hint of immorality among the church (Eph. 5:3), but it appears the church in America is swimming in it.
While I don’t have hard stats on specific denominational groups, from what I know of conservative Anabaptist young men, the stats run the same as this survey. Only, we don’t talk about it very often. It’s awkward and shameful. However, the first step in finding freedom from porn, or lust in general, is talking about it.
I’ve put together an infographic summarizing what the pornography survey revealed and would like to give it to you free in hopes that it will begin further discussions among you and your friends about the issue of porn addiction.
We need to start talking about this issue. We need to talk about sexuality and how God designed it. I believe there are many men privately struggling who want free but aren’t sure where to start because nobody seems to struggle like they do, or care that they are.
If that’s you, this infographic will probably blow your mind as to how many are right there with you.
However, it’s not enough to just say we need to talk about it. The reason we don’t is that many times when we do talk something happens that makes us afraid to every talk again. Let me give five quick reminders for how to talk about porn addiction in a healthy way, both as one struggling and as someone helping those who struggle:
1. If you struggle, find someone you trust.
If you want to help, be on their side, protecting the confidentiality of not only what they share, but who is sharing it.
2. If you struggle, share in brokenness, not trying to protect peoples good thoughts toward you.
If you want to help, receive what they share in brokenness–you are just as sinful at the core. They struggle comes from something deeper than lack of self-discipline.
3. If you struggle, realize talking about it is only the beginning.
God enables us to overcome, not just swim around in a pool of strugglers. Let others around you provoke you to deeper levels of honesty and brokenness.
If you want to help, lead people to the Father. Knowing Him deeply is where true freedom is found, not in another method or tip for diverting ones passions.
4. If you struggle, take ownership of your accountability.
Accountability is something you give to others–they shouldn’t have to take it from you. It won’t work until you have chosen to be honest and initiate openness.
If you want to help, actually follow-through on caring for the people who want help. If someone asks you to be their accountability partner, check in with them regularly. Not in a policeman sort of way, but as a comrade in the same battle. Don’t let your brother fall.
5. If you struggle, understand finding freedom is not a one-time event.
There is no secret ingredient to freedom. Many dynamics play in to why you struggle–emotional health, things you believe about God or yourself, whether or not you sense meaning in your life. Living free is found in aligning each area with God’s design, and that happens about as fast as a ten year old boy grows chest hair.
And if you want to help, don’t assume you know the real problem until you’ve gotten to know their life story. What looks like the issue to you may only be the visible manifestation of something inside.
I am excited for what God wants to do in this generation.
He does not want us to continue on struggling with immorality. He wants to give us freedom and help us live as He designed. He wants to make us men who can look people in the eyes without having anything to hide. Men who fight for others.
But He can’t do that as long as we keep our sins inside, trying to hide the ugly parts of our hearts. Find someone to talk with and start your journey to freedom.
Click here to download your free copy of the infographic on Christian men and porn.
