It’s not that hard to ruin emotional intimacy with your wife.
Teresa and I have had a few fights. We’ve never thrown things at each other. Just words. In fact, it surprised me how soon into our marriage we struggled with this.
I think I thought we had figured everything out in our courtship. I considered myself a pretty caring and sensitive man. However, I had yet to learn the relational habits that lead to emotional disaster.
Guys, if you want to guarantee conflict with your wife, you need be sure and practice these simple principles as often as possible. They will eat away at any connection the two of you have and create a wall of silence and frustration.
For all you newly married men (or those considering it) who want to know the ten sure-fire ways to ruin emotional intimacy with your wife, here they are.
#1-Put more thought into your job or hobbies than you do your wife
You’re married, now. She has committed her life to you so there’s no need stress over staying connected. You have a job you enjoy or dream you want to pursue? Go for it. Spend as much time as you can thinking about all those other things.
Then when you do go on dates your mind is preoccupied and what she says goes in one ear and out the other. She’ll soon feel like a back wheel and quit talking. That gives you more time for thinking and dreaming. After a while, she’ll leave you alone to your important work and simply cook and clean for you.
And speaking of cooking and cleaning,
#2-Let her do all the household work
You work hard every day bringing home money for her to go shopping. You deserve to sit and relax. Just let her do all the work.
She’ll feel like a maid and begin developing affectionate feelings of bondage to you. Then she’ll give you sex whenever you want, right?
Oh, and about that,
#3-Don’t touch her unless you want sex
If you touch her too often, she’ll get the sense that you care more about enjoying her company and making her feel valued than you do about having sex. That never ruins intimacy!
#4-Mentally focus on everything she’s doing wrong
Simply thinking something negative about your wife will be felt by her through your attitudes and tones. It’s an indirect way of sending her the message that she’s a failure. She will assume all kinds of negative things about herself and that always brings a wall between the two of you.
#5-Criticize the way she keeps house
Since you’re letting her do all the work, why don’t you criticize it? Actually, criticize it and then help her out. It makes her feel like she can’t do it and that you would do better at it. She feels unneeded and unwanted. Destroys any hope of intimacy if there was any left by now.
#6-Never give her flowers
Just a little something to quietly say, “I’ve forgotten about you.”
#7-Spend more time on your iPhone playing pool than you do talking with her
Talking with your wife builds connection. If you want to ruin it, stay on the iPhone and make her feel ignored.
#8-And when you talk, only share your thoughts and feelings
Talking doesn’t build connection if you do all of it. Don’t let her speak. Just share your thoughts and feelings and expect her to care for you.
#9-And if she begins to share her struggles, immediately fix them for her
Ladies feel cared for if you empathize first. In fact, sometimes that’s all they need to jump back into your arms. The moment you try to fix them, they become stiff and elusive again. If she shares her struggles, fix them for her as quickly as possible and you’ll ruin emotional intimacy.
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My wife and I wish we had known these five lessons before we started dating.
#10-In general, consider yourself more important than her and you will ruin intimacy with your wife
If you want to thoroughly demolish emotional intimacy, think of yourself as the more important person. She’ll feel unloved and unvalued. She’ll keep her distance and never open up.
I never realized these principles while we dated, but found out that in marriage they come pretty naturally. You’d have to work to keep from applying these habits. It’s pretty easy to extinguish emotional intimacy with your wife.
Guess if you did want connection, you’d just have to do the opposite of these.
What have you discovered about losing the heart of the one you love? Share in the comments here.
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